IF WE COLLIDE

[LEVI BREYDEN COOK]

his hands brushed against the wall as he wandered down the hallway. the texture of the wall began to make his fingers numb, but all this did was remind him that it was real. his focus was on the carpet as he walked, he followed the pattern of it. a straight line that went down the hallway, levi walked on it like it was a tight rope, his balance depended on it. how long he had been following this hallway was unknown to him because he had lost track of the time. to him it didn’t matter, all that was relevant to him was that he was there. levi had been sitting outside the recording room waiting for his turn to record his part of the new music. their time had started a long time ago, and he was just waiting to be called in. he could have been there for hours or thirty minutes, but the truth was that he was sitting in the same spot long enough for him to stop concentrating. when he first arrived at the place, he was sat in the chair and told that he would be called in when it was time. levi nodded, and sat where they told him to. he examined the wall, forming pictures in the blank white color. they started becoming too real, so he looked away, up at the clock, not paying attention to the time, but giving his attention to the red second hand that ticked at a constant rate. following it circle numerous time. he wished he would have counted how many times it went around, but it was too late.

there was something in the corner of his eye at the end of the hallway. the image that was there was dark and he couldn’t say what it was. his eyes snapped over to the object and his mind told him that it was a person. standing up, he gently ran his fingers against the wooden arms of the chair and started walking towards that person. there were many questions running through his mind that he needed to answer. his hand made contact with everything that he saw on the way over there. when he got there, he looked at the person. it was a boy and he was curled into the fetal position. he didn’t seem to be breathing. levi bit his bottom lip, bending over and reaching towards the kid, and his hand went right through him. the image disappearing right in front of his eyes. he stood up straight and put his hand on the wall, above where he had previously thought the kid was, and took a few deep breaths. this wasn’t out of the ordinary for him but every time it happened, he always felt out of place. almost like levi didn’t belong on the earth at all. he looked back down to where he was sitting before, the opening in the hallway was empty, and he decided to keep going, hoping that new scenery would satisfy his imagination enough.

once levi felt that his mind was back on track, he decided to head back, turning around in the direction he was going. but everything in this building looked the exact same. the same white walls with the little bumps, the carpet that was clean and every single hallway he had been in looked just like the one he was in at that moment. but this hallway didn’t have doors, it only had posters of all the bands signed with this label. it shouldn’t be that are to find it, levi told himself. the place wasn’t that big. but still, as he turned down another hallway he felt like he was in a maze, and that he was lost: another feeling that wasn’t unusual to him. as he turned his head down a hallway that was to his right and saw a familiar face. smoothing his finger tips around the corner as he turned into another opening, he took in the scene. one table and a few chairs just like the one he had been sitting in easier, and one person located in the middle of it. evan. as he walked past the table, he tapped it with his fingers and walked over to evan. "hi." he said, quietly, reaching out to touch her arm for assurance. levi felt like he was disturbing her and that he was just going to annoy her, but he needed someone real to talk to.

[EVANGELINE KAYLA WINDSOR]

evan had just sauntered into delirium like it was nothing. it wasn't like she was a member of the band so being on time to their recording didn't matter. she just needed something to do today and she knew that they were recording so she thought might as well. her lions mane was in its normal mess and she had sunglasses over her eyes still, with a cup of starbucks coffee in her hand. she wasn't in the mood to deal with people outside of drawing blanks, she knew how to handle them the best, so why go and deal with other people when she knew where her 'friends' were? she had woken up this morning and she just didn't feel like being alone, which was odd for the small girl because usually she just didn't mind it. maybe it was because she needed attention that she felt she deserved so much, though she knew if she went to hang out with the band she wouldn't get much of it. or maybe it was that the night before, spent talking to levi had gotten her actually intrigued in the male, when usually she couldn't care less for his existance. she didn't really understand it, but maybe it was that he had so much to say when she had so little that interested her. all she knew is that she actually wanted to know more, which made her feel weird because she really didn't care about anyone.

she had made it out of her place and gotten herself coffee before actually deciding that going to delirium was the day's plan. so when she got in, she had walked into a room and just kind of planted herself in a seat, putting her legs up on the table in front of her and placing her cup of coffee there. she took a sip and reached into her pocket, fishing out her iphone and her lighter. she placed her iphone next to her coffee and instantly started flicking the lighter open and shut, just watching the flames as they formed. she didn't understand her obsession with fire, but she just knew that she loved it. maybe because it was as destructive as she was. fire was so beautiful and so deadly, evan was the same way. she was so insane and beautiful, she was deadly. she was uncaring and cold, she made decisions based off of random thoughts and whimsical things that one shouldn't base decisions off of. she wasn't safe for anyone, including herself. she looked at the little lighter and slowly reached her left hand up, resting it over the flames. she loved the way the warmth danced over her skin and the way she knew that at any moment the fire could burn her.

maybe that was another reason evan loved fire so much. it proved that she could feel things, it proved that she was real. she wondered that a lot of the time. was she even human? she felt such so little and sometimes it worried her. everyone had emotions and she was just a walking shell who only loved herself, and she wasn't even sure if she loved herself. she didn't know what love was, love was never provided to her from her mother so she grew up cold and heartless. her hazel eyes danced over the flame and she didn't move much until a voice reached her ears and fingers found her skin. she shut the lighter and pushed it into her pocket before looking over in the direction of where the fingers and voice came from. "oh, levi. whatsup?" she said as her eyes scanned down him before arriving back up at his face. she pushed at her messy hair and she attempted to put on a friendlier expression on her face. she never smiled with her teeth, so it was hard for her to bring one to her face. instead, she opted for raising the corners of her mouth into a slight smile, so she seemed more inviting to the boy. she knew he found her to be interesting and maybe she just wanted to prove she was. she didn't know really, she just wanted the attention.

levi/abbey - she's wearing black shorts, lace bandeau and a flannel over that, feathers in her hair and a tooth awyeah -- enough words -- she's so weird.

[/justify]

[LEVI BREYDEN COOK]

this was weird to him. levi was the type of person that usually kept to himself. the boy liked almost everyone he met, he never found negatives in people, he just looked straight at the positives. every negative thing that he could think of was something that he had found in himself not in other people. the negatives were based on words that people had said to him as an assumption about who he was based on that one disorder that everyone thought defined him. but he didn’t let those things get to his own view on himself, he had just heard it all so much that he made the generalization that everyone would think about him in the same light. he could only think of a few people who would actually consider him to be their friend. everyone thought he was annoying or found some sort of reason to avoid him. friendships that were formed were usually built up but the other person. levi was taking a step forward today, and talking to a new person, by choice. because he wanted to get to know her, and honestly, she didn’t let his mental disorder effect her opinion of him.

evan intrigued him. something about her personality just pulled him in, and he didn’t understand why. she was the type of person that levi pulled away from and avoided. evan the type of person that he usually assumed didn’t like him. levi never liked to seem like an irritation. she was harsh and seemed to be completely honest. and she was sort of like him, in a small way. she kept to herself for the most part, had a small group of friends. and in other ways, they were polar opposites. she hated people, and he always liked everybody. he just wanted to figure her out, he wanted to know everything about her, even if he felt like he annoyed her. all of the things that she had said to him gave him mixed signals, and he needed to understand her. most of all, he wanted to know why he decided he could trust her with knowing that one thing about him that he only ever let few people know. and why it didn’t change her opinion. usually, the only people who never changed their mind about him were people he knew him long before they knew about his schizophrenia, not people who had only had one conversation with him.

the fire shot up, away from the lighter and towards the ceiling. he watched it flick and quickly disappear when the lid closed. his eyes followed every move the lighter made, watching her hand slip the lighter back into her pocket. evan always had a lighter and she never seemed to use it the way most people use lighters. it was always opening and closing, and she watched the flame. levi found it odd how there were so many similarities between fire and her. both seemed so beautiful and dangerous. also intriguing. when he was younger his family would always do what they called fire hunting. if there was a trail of black smoke hanging in the sky, his dad would drive until he found where it came from. the fire was something they would always want to know more about. the next day, his mom would look in the newspaper for any report on a fire. everyone in the family always wanted to know more about what had happened, just like how levi wanted to know more about evan. it was almost like they were supposed to come hand in hand. they were one in the same.

levi was expecting the usual look of apathy from her. that look that he got whenever she was done moving his drums and checking the sound and walking past him, handing over the drum sticks. that look that almost told him to leave her alone. but no, it was different this time. a forced smile, which wasn’t exactly the most friendly expression, but it was a step closer to any type of relationship they had had before. he smiled back at her, his right hand pulling at the bottom of his shirt and picking at the hem, some sort of nervous habit he had formed at some time in his life. "i don’t know." he shrugged dropping his hands down and pushing them into his pockets. looking at her, he took in a deep breath to continue. "just feeling kind of lost and not really knowing what i’m supposed to be doing." levi always had something that he wanted to say, he just rarely found people who actually wanted to listen to him. he took a quick glance around the room, fighting every urge to examine it. "why are you here?" he asked, looking back at her.

[EVANGELINE KAYLA WINDSOR]

evan didn't have a problem with people with mental disorders. maybe it was because she had a mental disorder herself, even though she wouldn't admit to it. maybe it was because she hated people who were overly judging even though evan was one of the most cruel people to exist. she didn't think that what you were diagnosed should define you in any way. it just meant you were officially different from people of the norm and she just didn't give a fuck. evan was a bitch but she didn't judge people for the way they were born. maybe it was because she wasn't exactly normal. she would never judge someone because of what they had been diagnosed with, ever. she didn't fucking understand why people became so closed minded because of a simple mental disorder. with medicine and therapy, one could be as normal as the next person. but if evan was asked if she felt people should be medicated for disorders, she just would stare at you and tell you to fuck off because people are fine the way they were fucking born.

something about levi did spark evan's interest. she never usually gave a fuck about anyone at all but she just wanted to get to know him. maybe it was the whole having a mental disorder thing. maybe that attracted her to him. insanity was something that made the small girl want to look into who the person was. maybe it was because they weren't the same as everyone and they had true flaws that they didn't make up as some kind of attention seeking way like many other people did. maybe that's what sparked evan's sudden interest in levi. she had always found levi to be attractive because clearly he was but now she just actually wanted to give him a chance to speak. it was an odd situation really. it wasn't the best way to get to start speaking to someone but she was okay with it. she didn't care much if they didn't speak but at the same time from now on she would put an effort in to actually talk to him. maybe it was a good thing, maybe it was a bad thing. she didn't even know herself.

evan usually showed nothing but apathy to everyone except maybe abby. she really just got along with abby naturally. annie it seemed forced because of their blood relation. denny it was forced yet again because of her blood relation to annie. boss and her never really spoke so she didn't pay much attention to him but she tolerated him because of her friendship with abby. and then there was levi. she didn't know what to think of levi. she never had. she just did what she had to for him, which was play with his drums, make sure everything was set up right and then of course hand him his sticks. then she would walk away to do something else. which usually involved evan playing with fire and scanning the crowds to find someone of interest to hook up with. then the band would finish their performance and evan would go off to drink with abby maybe and that would be the end of her speaking to members of drawing blanks for that night. she just didn't care much for the band she worked for even though they were her close knit group of friends. she was definitely an odd child. she really just needed to learn how to actually be someones friend.

evan looked at the smile that suddenly popped up on her face and her smile suddenly became more realistic. she didn't know as to why but for some reason the way his smile actually reached his eyes made her want to smile. she pushed at her hair and looked at him. "you're recording right?" she said with a soft laugh. she then looked down at her pocket and pulled her lighter out. her lighter was her very own safety blanket. she knew it well and she knew the heat that came from it so well. it was the only thing she liked to feel. she flicked it open and watched as the flame sprung from its confinement and she smiled at the flame. she felt so much better with it in her hand. her left hand ghosted over the flame and she looked over to respond to levi. "oh, i didn't have much to do. so i thought, hey everyone's recording today so i might as well." she said with a shrug as she looked into his eyes. that was the thing about evan, she could not look at something else when she spoke to someone, she had to retain eye contact with them because it was some weird habit.

levi/abbey - she's wearing black shorts, lace bandeau and a flannel over that, feathers in her hair and a tooth awyeah -- enough words -- she's so weird.

[/justify]

[LEVI BREYDEN COOK]

levi hated that he knew about his mental illness. he hated that it was called an illness because before they pointed it out to him, he had never noticed anything wrong about himself, and most people just thought he was weird. it wasn’t an illness, it was him. maybe his mind ran in a different way than other people’s, or as they were called: normal people’s minds worked. it made him different, and he had never seen anything wrong with it. being like everyone else was boring. at least that’s what he liked to tell himself now. but the thing was that before he had been diagnosed, this was normal. this was normal to him because it was all he knew. as far as levi was concerned, this was the correct way to think. counselors, doctor, therapists, they liked to tell him that what was going on in his mind wasn’t normal. they told him how normal minds functioned and compared his to it, exposing him to a new version. and this was completely different from all that he had known. they tried to get him to think their way, but they realized that there was nothing they could do to change it, not by therapy. it was hopeless. so they gave him medication. he no longer had a personality, he had symptoms, and the medication made sure to get rid of them. they couldn’t get rid of them completely. but as the parts of his thoughts that weren’t right began to disappear, levi felt like he just wasn’t himself anymore, so he stopped telling the doctors all that he saw, and they didn’t raise his dose.

it was too late though. he had lost all that was normal to him. this sent him into a constant doubt. the combination of knowing how things used to be, and knowing that it had been wrong and knowing that something was wrong with him forced levi to question everything in his life. with or without the medication, levi could never tell what was real. he couldn’t even tell if his process had changed because he couldn’t figure out if everything was actually happening or if he was imagining it. he couldn’t tell if what he saw was really there, not unless he could feel it under his finger tips. it was easy before, believing everything that he saw and was told. it was easy when there wasn’t anything wrong with his brain, or at least when he had thought there was nothing wrong. but never knowing, that wasn’t easy at all. not knowing if he should talk about the previous day or comment on something had happened earlier because there was no way to prove it was real. he had to rely on people to tell him if situations were real. he couldn’t touch something that had happened. the worst part about his illness was that he couldn’t trust anything, not even himself. especially not himself because he was the one who made everything up. this is why he needed people who he could trust. but even after they assured him either way, he still couldn’t help but wonder if he had made what they said up.

recording, yes, that’s what he was doing. but not at that moment. he had wandered away. he had no clue what was going on back in the recording room. part of him was telling him he should go back, but he was going back, he was just on his way, and this was a stop along the way. along with that excuse, levi didn’t even know where he was supposed to be anymore, that part of the building was lost, in a place that he didn’t know how to find. “yeah, but i’m not recording now.” he looked behind him in the direction he had came from. “i was touching the walls and looking at the carpet.” telling her what he was doing didn’t seem odd to him, but if he had to think about it, he would have realized how weird what he was doing had been. evan was something he doubted. that conversation they had last night, he was almost positive was real. levi knew she was here with him, he had felt the softness of her arm against his finger tips. but after they were done talking, he’d walk away wondering if everything that had been said was really what had come out of her mouth, or if he had just let himself make it up to make him feel better about whatever relationship they had.

the flame shot up, the flame that reminded him of evan. his hand immediately started pick at the seam of his shirt again, something about her made him a little nervous. probably because he had let her into his life so much easier than he had ever let anyone before. there had to be a reason as to why he trusted her from the beginning, and levi really just wanted to figure this out. he nodded when she told him why he was here, his eyes darting away from hers when she tried to make eye contact. eye contact was never something he was good at, he felt like it showed people too much about a person. “well it’s pretty boring here so i started walking around, and now i don’t know where everyone else is.” he said, adding in a little shrug. he didn’t mind being away from that chair. it was boring and it had let his mind wander to place that wasn’t normal, plus the other hallways had provided him with some sort of entertainment for a least a few minutes.

[EVANGELINE KAYLA WINDSOR]

evan didn't understand why he spoke to her and told her things with such ease. she was scared of it, but somehow it also comforted her. the way the flames comforted her but in a much more realistic way. maybe because levi wasn't as destructive as the fire was. maybe it was because he was so sweet and he was such a fragile thing to her. the way he clearly needed someone and for some reason, evan really wanted to be that person that he clung to. it scared her but it made her feel alive. it made her feel like she was a human again. it had been so long since she had last felt that sheer humanity. the last time she felt it was a year or two before she burned down her mothers home. she was alive before it, and slowly the insults got worse and worse and finally the girl lost it. she lost all the humanity that was in her, she found insanity as it slowly crept upon her like the darkness of the night. she was sick in the head and she didn't want to admit it but it was there. it was there all along, creeping in the shadows until finally it found its way to destroy the light.

now everything fragile was something to destroy and she didn't care if she did destroy it. for some reason the destruction made her happy. it made her feel like she was still alive. she clung to it, and she made sure that she was real through it. but now, with levi so close, and the fact that he was actually felt things. it intrigued her that he was so alive in such a destructive way and yet he was one of the most fragile things she had ever seen in her life. she had noticed it a lot since she spent so much time around him as his drum tech but she wouldn't say anything because it wasn't her problem. he wasn't her problem. but now that he had let her into his world, she wanted to go deeper and figure him out. she had never been so interested in anyone, it was shocking that she had taken a interest in him. she didn't know what she felt for him but she just wanted to know more and she planned on finding out as much as he would let her. he was making her feel human once again and that made her so happy. she wasn't a shell of emptiness when he was around. she was intrigued and she didn't have to cling to the flames that kept her so alive. she knew she was real when she spoke to him.

and the worst part was that he didn't even know if they were real or not and they were so real to her. she could taste the words on her tongue, she could feel his presence in the air, and the way his fingers danced against her skin for only a mere moment.. it made her feel alive. she licked her lips and played with her hair, trying to savor this feeling. this feeling that told her she was alive. her hand still flicked the lighter open and shut, her eyes watching the flame and her heart pounding in her chest. she felt her chest rise up and down from her lungs receiving oxygen and deploying carbon dioxide from her body. her eyes danced over to him as he spoke and she nodded her head slightly. "well that sounds interesting i suppose. and then you found me, right?" she smiled, but only slightly. her eyes danced back to the flames as she flicked it shut. placing it down on the table for a moment, only to lift her coffee cup to her lips and swallow some of the liquid. she placed it back on the table and then looked over to levi.

"why do you touch everything levi?" she looked at him carefully. "i don't mean to be rude, you don't have to answer if you don' want.. i just wanna know." she said with a slight shrug. she then reached for her lighter and began to play with the flames. sometimes she wished she was a phoenix. her skin would flare up and she would burn but she wouldn't be dead. she would rise from the ashes, new, revived, and just so beautiful. why wasn't she born a phoenix? she wouldn't have to worry about the fire destroying her completely. she would be able to taste the flames and feel her skin fall from her bones. it would be so beautiful, it would be so destructive and yet so constructive at once. she wanted to be a phoenix, she wanted to feel the flames for real. she wanted to know what it was like to burn. she looked at the flame and rose it to her lips, sticking her tongue out over the flame. feeling the warmth dance over her tongue. she didn't know whether she was scaring levi or not, but she just got so lost in her own thoughts. she pulled the lighter away from her lips and then let her eyes connect with his once more.

"boring. so boring. i don't like when things bore me." she said before looking away, out a window. she let her eyes linger over the sky for a moment before looking back at him. "clearly we have to do something fun. whether it be burning down the building or dancing half naked on the tables, we can't let the day go to waste." she said with a grin. in the end, evan was evan. she was destructive and she would destroy anything in her path. she was like a wildfire and she would never stop.


levi/abbey - she's wearing black shorts, lace bandeau and a flannel over that, feathers in her hair and a tooth awyeah -- enough words -- she's so weird.

[/justify]

[LEVI BREYDEN COOK]

it was obvious that there were so many flaws in levi's personality. he found it so hard to trust anyone in a personal way because he couldn't tell if anything was real. it was never the other persons fault as to why he couldn't trust them. but as soon as he had any type of suspicion that this person could be trusted and that all he remembered happening had actually happened, he never left them alone. levi depended on people that showed any sort of interest because he just wanted someone to care. and that was a different type of trust. a trust where he could let those people know everything and not hold anything in. there was another type of trust and he also was flawed with this one. this type of trust was given away too easily. he talked easily to people. he believed that everyone was good, they only made bad decisions sometimes, but deep down they were alright people. there was no reason not to trust people in this way, not to levi. he saw too many positives, and he had always been told this wouldn't always be good for him, but levi couldn't help it. he didn't think that anyone should assume people were bad because deep down everyone was the same. they just wanted someone to love them. but this wasn't a good thing. so many people could take advantage of him, so many people could crush him so quickly. levi was fragile, he was exposed to the world. there were so many reasons not to trust people but the only one he ever found was his own mental issues.

maybe he shouldn't trust evan. she was definitely destructive, and levi knew that this was something he didn't need. he was already self destructive towards himself. she could be a person who could find it useful to use levi. levi didn't see this. in fact, he was completely oblivious to all these flaws, no unless people pointed them out to him. and they had tried. so many counselors tried to get him to see people's true intentions, but levi always felt like they were attempting to force their opinions into his own. levi liked to think for himself, he didn't want someone telling him what he should think. and with evan, he felt like he needed her. levi didn't know what was telling him that he needed her, but he just did. that feeling came deep from the pit of his stomach. she was a person that he needed to keep him stable, to show him what reality is. a trust in this feeling was weird to him, he knew that something like this required reasoning behind it, examples from things that had happened before. the only thing that he could think of where she helped him was when she was doing her job. but levi still insisted that he just knew, she had to be the right person.

levi couldn't tell if evan really had found what he was doing to be interesting or if she was just saying it. he assumed that she was just saying it. always assume the worst, levi always did that. that way, he wouldn't be disappointed if he ever found out he had expected more than what was real. "yeah, i was trying to get back in case they needed me." he said, watching her reach for the coffee cup. his eyes almost watched her like an uneasy stare. every movement she made had to be carefully recorded in his mind. like he didn't trust the movements that she made, that she would do something to hurt him. but levi couldn't understand how he could think this and how he could trust so much her at the same time. the trust put in evan was the opposite of how he usually had it with everyone else. he trusted her with the facts about himself, but he didn't trust her the other way, and that was new to him. the more he thought about it, the more things confused him about evan. "then i saw you and i wanted to talk to you." he stated easily, telling her all that he thought and being completely open about it. his eyes met her, and he looked away really fast, feeling like he shouldn't look her in the eyes. levi had always been timid, at least as long as he could remember.

so many people had asked him that question before. levi never felt like he needed to explain his reasoning behind it. the reasoning led to a long story about how he couldn't trust anything and that would lead to people wanting to know why, and he would have to tell them that he didn't know what was real. that would eventually lead to more questions, and he would eventually had to admit to his mental disorder. this habit developed because of his mental disorder. "because..." he started, trying to find a way to put this into words, even though he knew it should be an easy thing to say. it was just that he had never said it before. "i just don't know if things are real, and touching them sometimes shows me when they are." again, he found himself wondering why she was allowed to know this. nobody else knew the reasoning behind this habit, yet he had just told her easily, allowing the excuse to flow out of his mind, without in a thought of telling her that he didn't want to answer it. he watched her bring the flame up to her mouth and he winced when it touched her tongue. he looked back up at her face, eyes reaching each other again, and he took a deep breath and kept his gaze steady, even if he found it difficult.

he knew that she didn't like boring things. he remembered a lot from the conversation that they had had last night, but he didn't want to mention it. he didn't know how real it was, or how much of it was real. he just relied on the moment: everything that was happening now. "i don't know if burning down a building is a good idea. neither is dancing around half naked." he said in response. compared to her, he was so innocent and boring. he liked to play it safe.

[EVANGELINE KAYLA WINDSOR]

she was foul, she was rancid. she was everything that was horrible and vile. she wasn't meant for human contact and she should have been contained from birth. but her mother didn't care and her father was miles away. evan was born into havoc and chaos and it was all she knew. she was meant to destroy and it was like she was never meant to be human. and yet levi sauntered in to her life and she gave it no thought. he was just another person to come around and leave eventully. that was all she thought of him in the beginning but now.. she didn't know what to think. she just wanted to learn more about him. she wanted to feel him the way she felt the flames. she wanted him exposed to her skin and her mind. she wanted him in every sense -- from physical to mental. she wanted to feel him underneath her skin, she wanted to dig her nails into him and keep him there. it was a sick feeling, the way she wanted to possess him and not let him leave her. it wasn't right and she shouldn't feel that way but she does. she shouldn't want to make herself be in control of someone so fragile and someone so breakable but she does.

she doesn't feel anything unless she knows it's real. maybe that's why she is so drawn to levi. she knows he's real, she knows she can push and pull and he would still be there. the issue with that is how people could so easily leave her. she wanted to leave a mark in levi so he couldn't leave. so he would be stuck to her and he couldn't leave. it was a sick mental kind of branding, which she had never really considered until now. the way levi seemed so fragile and so controllable, well she wanted to be the one to control it all. she was sick and twisted. she was dark and she was insane. she would do what she had to. she would get her thrills anyway she could. she found her interest in levi and it was safe to say that it wasn't going away. poor levi had the fun of dealing with her latching onto him like a leech. she would bleed him dry of his life and she would make him into her puppet. he would play her games and speak the words she wanted him to. she wanted him to love her, she wanted him to hold her and mouth sweet words to her, just so she felt. she wanted it so bad.

she would find a way to make him do what she wanted. she would find a way to keep him. she really would do anything to keep him. she liked how his eyes shined with curiosity and he reminded her of a lion cub. it was an odd thing, but she just wanted to hold him. she was so wrong and she was so sick. she was so beautifully deranged and all she needed was to be shown what love really was. it was a sick want, it was a horrible need. she just wouldn't stop until she had it in her grasp. she would play with it until it broke, and maybe for once it wouldn't break. maybe for once she would be shown what love really was. maybe levi could do it. maybe he couldn't. it was really up in the air and he was the one to catch it or let it fall and crash. she didn't know what she wanted anymore. she really thought she wanted levi. maybe she just wanted to feel. she didn't know. maybe she needed to feel. she needed it more than she needed water, more than she needed any kind of nourishment.

she was deprived the love that every child needs. she was deprived feelings because her mother didn't care. her mother just thought she was nothing. maybe she was. but now, oh now, she was going to be something. she wouldn't be nothing any longer. she would control her destiny and she would be someone. she would be loved, she would be cared about. she would feel. her mother couldn't destroy her any longer. she would be whole, and maybe levi would be the one to complete her. she felt sick for thinking this way about him when she didn't know if he would even want to be the one to make her whole. he seemed so scared and timid of her. maybe it was because she was a scary little thing. she was a monster. she let the flames engulf her and she destroyed any bit of humanity in her. she looked over at him and her eyes lit up. "well i'm happy you wanted to talk to me. after our conversation last night, i just felt we should talk more." she said with a light shrug of her shoulders like it was nothing.

she couldn't show how she really felt. that would make everything awkward, wouldn't it? she would save all the exposing the truth for a later time, and she would let things ride on the way they naturally would. on a course of possibility and she would just be hopeful. though she would plant the seeds of want and she would dig her claws in just a little, letting it show but only slightly. she would do what she had to to get him. when he spoke of his mental disorder, she simply nodded with a soft smile. "i understand. you've gotta do what you've gotta do yaknow?" she said as she looked back to the flames, letting them flicker. it was the safety that she needed and she knew that it was the only thing that remained. she could replace the lighter fluid and she could continue to flick it open over and over again, watching the flames lick the air. it rose and it dimmed. it was so beautiful. she wanted to be the flame while levi was the lighter which held her, she would flicker in and she would flicker out. but the case knew that in the end, the flame would return to its rightful place.

she chuckled and she looked at him. "well m'dear, then we'll just have to find something that can keep us entertained until it is your turn to record, now won't we?" she licked her dry lips and she grabbed her drink, chugging the rest, she looked at her shoes and then she looked over at levi. "what would you like to do? sitting around can't be too fun for you now can it?"

levi/abbey - she's wearing black shorts, lace bandeau and a flannel over that, feathers in her hair and a tooth awyeah -- enough words -- hi she is the queen of insanity.

[/justify]

[LEVI BREYDEN COOK]

there was so many things that levi hated about himself. he hated how he thought. he hated what he saw. he hated what he made up. he hated that he couldn't be right. this felt so much like he was reliving high school math class, needing to solve a problem right, redoing it over and over again but the solution never came to him. in this case, he was the problem. he was the one trying to solve it. but he couldn't figure it out. the solution was so far out of his grasp. this was something he had never learned before. there was no teacher either. levi had to teach himself, and he didn't have any guide or hints. there were only cheats and short cuts. ways to hide what was wrong, but still, levi felt the imperfections every single second. the little ticks and thoughts and images that ran through his mind, that he acted out, that he couldn't even pretend to deny most of the time. the cheats didn't work. they helped. but they didn't work. they never lasted long enough and in the end he was always wrong. he was tired of being wrong. he was tired of people thinking he was wrong, and he wanted a break from it. levi just wanted to be able to think he was right again. nostalgia developed in his mind, wishing he could go back to when he still believed he was normal. nothing ate away at him, forcing him to constantly think about everything and doubt all of it.

levi needed someone to distract him from all of his problems. any distraction would do the trick. he had previously thought that being in the band would suffice, but it only ended up giving him so much more time to think about everything and dissect his own mind. he needed something bigger, something stronger and something that was more controlling. something that could grab him and not let go. he wanted to divert his attention to something else, something that definitely wasn't him. because he was so tired of taking a look at himself and hating everything that he saw. evan could do this. she could be his distraction. she was complex. she was different. she was really something he had never seen before. her mind worked in a new way that interested him. the obsession she had with fire was something he wanted to understand. levi wanted to know it all. he wanted to be as familiar with evan as he was with himself. he wanted to focus on her, find everything that he would love about her, ignore the things that he couldn't love and focus on everything that mattered. but he didn't know much about her, and he realized that getting to know her would be difficult. her defense had to be set up strong, and unlike levi, she didn't spill everything that came to mind.

how she always seemed to get their conversations to be about him was odd to him. she talked about him, she was interested in him. levi couldn't understand why. there was no connection made between his life and how it could be interesting to anyone. sure, some people found schizophrenia interesting, but they'd rather not view it on a personal level. they didn't want to see it in action, they wanted to hear about it. the witness was never something to be proud of. but she wanted to know about him. she asked him questions. levi wasn't pressured to tell her, but she had some how wrangled that confession out of him. and quite honestly, anybody who was interested in him was someone that he wanted to be around. very few people ever showed interest. evan hadn't before, but now she had, and levi didn't want to ever leave her alone. there was so much that he wanted to know. he wanted to understand why she felt the same way about him. why he interested her. levi was easy to understand: he saw things, he touched things, he rarely believed anything. that was all there was to it, and that's all he saw in himself besides the obvious flaws that he wished he could dispose of.

maybe levi was honestly just excited to have a possibility of find someone who may truly understand him. he found himself hoping that she wouldn't start making assumptions about him. all he wanted was for her to actually know him and then make her own opinion. she would make her own decision based on how he acted, not how people who were categorized with the same problem were supposed to act. everyone was different, levi understood that, but this illness apparently told everyone that he acted a certain way, and there was not a way for him to change. the conversation was real. she mentioned it. levi mentally checked that off his list of things to determine the reality of. he smiled at her, cracking his knuckles. "i thought so too." he agreed, feeling a little bit more relieved. he had gone away from that conversation thinking that evan never really wanted to talk to him again. but apparently that wasn't the case, and she seemed to feel the same as him. something else that levi found interesting was that she never seemed to care about anything. where levi was the opposite: he always cared. no matter who it was, levi always found room to care. he wondered if that was just a front to hide herself, or if she was really that apathetic.

part of him felt uncomfortable for being so open about everything with her. there would be nothing left for him to keep to himself if he kept at this pace. but the other half of him was okay with it. he was glad that he finally had somebody to share these things with. everyone else either assumed that they knew it or they didn't care. he shrugged, pulling at the bottom of his shirt again, wondering why she always made him so nervous. "well, it doesn't always work, but it's a good place to start." persing his lips, he nodded, agreeing with himself. he could touch everything he saw, but still imagine different things were said or different things happened. he could never tell if he was imagining anything or if it was real. and that had always bothered him. he just wanted something steady in his life, besides himself, that would always be there, and that he would always be sure of. but levi didn't think that he would ever be able to find that.

levi look at her and smiled, happy to be included in her plans for once. "yeah." she usually kept to herself or the people he knew she hooked up with after the shows, and everyone else in the band except him got a little attention. but now he was getting all of her attention, and he liked that a lot. "oh, i can't sit, i'll start imagining things again..." the last part was mumbled, because it was something he was trained to be ashamed of.

[EVANGELINE KAYLA WINDSOR]

evan never understood why people hated themselves. it made no sense to her because she loved herself the most. well, if she actually loved herself. she just didn't like other people, so maybe that's what made her so fond of herself. she was selfish and would do anything she could to make herself happy, even if it meant someone else was going to end up upset. she saw no flaws in herself, and she saw flaws in everyone else. except levi. she couldn't bring herself to find major flaws in him. maybe he was a little too annoying, maybe he wasn't someone she would normally put so much interest into. she didn't know but for some reason she was just so drawn to him and it was like a mosquito to a bug zapper. it wasn't safe for either one of them for her to be so drawn to him. no matter how much she loved herself, she knew the truth. she was not made to love someone else and to even get him remotely interested in her was only going to hurt him in the end. she didn't want to hurt him, but it was in her nature. she wanted to keep him safe from herself and the world. she was the most dangerous thing to him and she felt awful for how much she wanted to keep him to herself, knowing that it would only destroy him.

she was a distraction from the real world because she was so dangerous. she didn't take reality the way it should be, everything was a game and pain meant more fun. she didn't care about causing damage to herself and other people, because she was meant to be destructive. she had been told that since birth. her mother claimed that she destroyed her life and she was worthless. evan knew she was worth something but she knew that she was destructive to everyone around her. her friends even thought she was way too destructive at times. she didn't know when to stop, filtering herself was almost impossible. in school, she had disciplinary problems because of how gung ho she was on doing things that she shouldn't. she liked the attention, whether it was negative or positive. levi didn't need to be involved with someone like that, but for some reason she couldn't stop herself from trying to draw him into her. she wanted to destroy every ounce of good in him and use it for her own games but at the same time she just wanted to keep it there, maybe tweak the innocence a little bit and use it to keep herself happy. she didn't know what she wanted out of levi but she just knew she wanted something, whether it be good or bad.

she enjoyed listening to what he had to say about himself. except for when he began to doubt himself and talk about how the way he is is wrong. that would just anger her because it was so drilled into him. it was pushed upon him to think he had something wrong with him and that bothered her. it always bothered her when people tried to say how flawed they were. maybe it was from the years with her mother telling her how flawed she was. being told you were flawed was a catalyst to make everything worse, evan knew that all too well. for some reason, she wasn't ready to allow levi to be one of the hopeless people in the world thinking he was so fucked in the head. she wanted to fix it all. she wanted him to know how great he was and how what the people had to say.. well they were wrong. she wanted him to believe that her opinion was the only one that mattered because she knew she would be one of the few people who would see him for him and not for his disorder. she would see levi and not what the world portrayed to be wrong with his psychological standards. she didn't see much wrong with people when they had disorders though, she saw no point in seeing something wrong with them. how did the world know that they weren't the ones who were doing things right and the people of the 'norm' were the ones doing things wrong?

evan smiled slightly at the fact that he also thought they should talk more. "i guess i just realized that this whole just working for you thing isn't exactly fair." she said as she looked him over. she looked him over once more and she couldn't help but smile a little more. for some reason, he was just fucking adorable. she always had thought him to be attractive but she wasn't mixing pleasure with work. unlike the rest of her friends who seemed to enjoy inner band/crew love, she wasn't exactly interested. she just would stick to hooking up with random people because it didn't cause any problems. she didn't have to worry about getting involved with them because it didn't cause problems for her job. but now as she looked at levi, and his bright eyes and light hair. she didn't care if she was risking anything. he was so cute, so fragile and she just wanted to reach out and touch him. she licked her lips and spoke softly. "i know i haven't been extremely pleasant to you. i'm just not pleasant to anyone." she said with a shrug and a smile. "but i'll be nicer, even though nice isn't my most favorite word in the english language." she said with a soft chuckle. it was true, nice wasn't her favorite word. hell, she didn't even know if it really existed in her vocabulary. though maybe she could be considered nice to abby.

her eyes traveled from him to around the room, not really sticking to anything. she finally reached him again and she looked at him carefully. "well whenever touching things doesn't help the whole knowing what's real and not, you can always ask me and i'll tell you if it's not i guess." she said with a small smile. she was going to help him. she was going to become involved in his life more. she wanted to be and it was odd to her. but she couldn't help herself, she was drawn to the kid more than anything and she was willing to help out. she reached out and patted his hand, "i'll be a helpful guide to reality or something, whatever it is you want to call me, i'll be helpful." she pulled her hand away slowly and smiled. she was working at an angle, she had to be. she was sinking her nails in slowly so that he would become used to the feel. she would have him to herself eventually, this was just the beginning. the sick and slow beginning of her messed up sense of thinking. when she was done with him, he wouldn't want anyone else. he would just want her and there wouldn't be any doubt about it.

"well then kid, we've got to go do something with ourselves then. if you don't want to imagine things that is." she said with a big grin and stood up from her seat. she looked at him and spoke softly, "well c'mon levi. they'll call you when they need you and for now, you're mine to have fun with. they can have you when i'm done." she said licking her dry lips and grinning. she was going to do what she had to do.

levi/abbey - she's wearing black shorts, lace bandeau and a flannel over that, feathers in her hair and a tooth awyeah -- enough words -- she's so weird.

[/justify]