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Post by ANNABELLE MARIE HURLEY on May 14, 2011 0:06:02 GMT -5
Annabelle. That was probably what Annie hated the most about Drawing Blanks being signed. Everyone called her Annabelle because she wrote everything with Annabelle. It's how she was raised; in school she headed her papers with Annabelle Windsor, but her teachers called her Annie. And now she signed things Annabelle Hurley, but they called her Annabelle and she didn't like it at all. She used to not mind that much until when she had been in the hospital and they called her Annabelle. She didn't like it after that. It made her sick and it just made her resent this whole situation more. Annie couldn't deny that she hated being here. She hated being pushed into doing things. She did them, but not too happily. It felt forced and weird to her. She was perpetually irritated and not always pleasant these days. Everything rubbed her the wrong way. She didn't like having to work. That made her sound so selfish and pampered, but Annie just felt herself get pent up and pissed off when she was stuck to do these things. She missed Cape Cod. Annie missed the house where she took Denny and danced with him, laid her head against him and fell asleep with the ocean just behind them.
The only thing that Annie knew how to do was be with Denny. She didn't know how she felt about that. She knew that sometimes she wanted other things. She felt too cooped up. In this space she felt too cooped up. She was stuck on the couch behind Denny while he pushed things and adjusted things. It was late and they were probably the last ones here. He had to tweak things. Annie just laid on the couch and looked at the ceiling. There was a clock on the wall and it looked like a clock from a school; white back with plain, professional numbers, sloping hands that were too precise for her liking. Annie had a headache and she didn't know where it had came from or why it was still there, but it was persistent and it annoyed her. It was a kind of throbbing in the front of her forehead that made her put her fingers to her skin above her eyebrow and close her eyes. The clock had one of those persisting ticks that echoed between her ears and seemed so much longer than it was. Denny had on those big clunky head phones so he couldn't hear her - although he was probably listening to her anyway. She smirked at the irony.
Eventually, out of her boredom, Annie started to play a game with herself to see how quiet she could be. It wasn't like she had said anything anyway, but she tried to put herself in a spot in her mind where she could slow down everything. She took a deep breath and that was the last audible thing she did. She slowed down her breathing, made it deeper and softer, longer spaces and pauses and gaps. She tried to see how much she could slow down everything. Boredom did that to you. Annie couldn't control her head, although she didn't even know what she was thinking about. It was hard to try to make yourself stay in one place, try to make every single cell in your body be silent and still, when they all chorused to get up and move, beg for the man sitting on the other side of the room to pay attention to her, to tell her things that she needed and wanted to hear from him. But Annie wasn't going to do that right now. On some level, sane part of her head, she knew that the sooner he got that done, the sooner they could go home and she could have all night to be close to him. For some reason that made her think of Leo, going home did, and how he was getting to that age where he wanted to play with everything, but German Shepards never came small and so he was so rancorous that he made Annie tired. She still took care of him and walked him and made sure that he was okay and stuff, but he made her tired.
Annie felt like she was losing her game. She wanted to turn over and make discomforted noises, tap her nails against her teeth, anything to just do something. But she didn't. She just laid on the couch and looked at the ceiling, all the different ways things were patterned across it. She sighed finally, and turned to look at Denny's back. She wanted to stand up and run her fingers down the ridges of his spine, press her ear against his broad back to see if his heartbeat went back that far, sound wise. But she didn't. Annie just turned her head back to the ceiling and waited.
eight hundred and sumthin words - idk she's wearing clothes - lyrics to us by regina spektor - yay this post is for paigels etc etc
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Post by DENVER CARLOS HURLEY on May 14, 2011 15:01:27 GMT -5
Working gave him space. Sometimes, anyway. Now that he was able to put together tracks without instruction on how to use the equipment he’d already known how to use, Denny felt a bit free. He could work without people telling him what to do, and he could work efficiently because no one was trying to distract him. Of course, that statement didn’t go when Annie was around. She’d gotten into the habit of climbing all over him, craving his attention while he was trying to put together a composition. It was easy for him to get distracted then, even though that secondary part of his mind wanted to stop and go back to work. His priorities started with Annie; he wanted this nonsense craziness to stop and for her to just be okay. He didn’t really complain about it because he didn’t want to upset Annie; he’d rather have her hands on him, her eyes watching for his, her mind wanting his on her at all times than having her avoiding speech, touch, and interaction again. That was a horrible week for him; Denny had gone to work at the bookstore all week in a horrible mood and nearly bit Desmond’s head of five times out of the five days he’d worked that week. The only thing that calmed him down was climbing up the trees near the park down the road from his apartment to see the sky clearly. It centered him, gave him a sense of mind for some spiritual reason that Denny couldn’t explain.
But tonight Annie wasn’t in his way of work. She was never really in his way per say, there just wasn’t a nicer way to say what he meant. She was laying on the couch behind him; Denny was plugged in and working on a piece that he felt had enough potential to outshine the rest of the already recorded tracks. It was a wonder how he knew how to do this without being told how to, but when the band had started back in Cape Cod, he’d learned quickly. Back then though, he had a cruddy piece of machinery that had only cost him just over $200 that he kept in his living room when he used it incessantly. But this piece of equipment before him, this software that he was playing with, it all costs more than his life insurance, that was for sure. He was working and Annie was laying down, which gave him the space he needed to work. Denny knew it would only be a matter of time before she got up and started touching him, distracting him from what he was doing, but he was too wired in to the work to really give any thought to that knowledge. He sighed, wiped his forehead, and programmed a few more notes of the composition, then sighed again and saved. He felt tired and overworked and way too hungry for someone of his size. It was the end of the day and Denny was ready to go to the apartment the hotel room the label was renting for them, order some room service, eat and go to bed. He really just wanted to go home, but home was too far away and he was too tired to drive from here to Massachusetts.
Denny shut the program off, wiped his eyes and turned around in his swivel chair. His headphones were still attached to the machine, so he couldn’t go far, but far enough to see Annie. In the quietness between them, he saw splotches of the Annie he’d married, the one that was happy just to be with him, the Annie that hated being left alone at home but knew Denny had to work for them to be able to stay in their apartment. He could see the woman he’d kissed in front of the court house after he’d married her. He could see the woman he’d spend his life working for, in the sense that he would never give up the fight to be hers’ forever. He took the headphones off his head, put them on the chair as he stood up, and walked across the room to squat next to the couch she was laying on. He didn’t want to break the silence; it was nice to imagine himself and Annie back in Cape Cod, totally to themselves and as happy as they could imagine themselves to be. Leo would be running up to join the little gathering and Beast would be around somewhere, probably outside trying to terrorize a mouse or something like that. Denny could see it in his mind; it made him want to curl up in bed with Annie and just enjoy the fact that they were still together. There were too many people that didn’t believe in their marriage; they were too young, and now that the band finally got signed, things were going to come between them, apparently. Denny didn’t know that these things were real; he was so engrossed in loving Annie that nothing else mattered. All he wanted was to keep her happy, which seemed to be getting harder and harder to do these days.
Denny sighed because he knew he had to break the silence. He couldn’t just not speak to her forever, just because he’d rather savor the moments before the label had found and signed them. Delirium had treated them nicely, especially Denny because they’d given him that piece of equipment that he believed would bring their music to a whole new level. But right now, it wasn’t about the music. It was about trying to keep Annie happy, to make her see that this new persona about her since they’d come to New York was scary and emotion-altering. Denny didn’t like the ultra possessiveness. He didn’t like the fact that any girl that spoke to him, even a true fan with no intentions of getting into his pants, Annie’s head lit on fire like Evan was around. It scared him. Denny didn’t know how to tell her that some of those girls he spoke to, the ones that just asked for a simple signature on a piece of paper, weren’t after his future babies. He wouldn’t give that to them even if that was their dying wish; Denny knew that would kill Annie, especially after the last few months. She was the only one with the rights to his children, and he knew the girls that asked for signatures now, at this pivotal part in their career, were totally aware of that, regardless of what he and Annie had said to anyone about their marital status.
“Ready to head out?” He smiled because she was quiet and seemed more patient than she had been in a while. One hand lifted and pushed some of her dark hair out of her face before he stood up and held a hand out. “Sorry I kept us so late. I got caught up, I guess.” Denny was still smiling through the silence, trying to stay as quiet as he could even in his speech. He was nearly whispering, just to keep the situation calm and easy and similar to ones they’d had back home. He wanted to be in his apartment right now, playing with Leo’s soft ears and Beast’s fur and throwing little plastic balls across the living room to send both animals in a frenzy of ‘who could catch it first’ even though Beast would likely rather just sit and stare at Leo like ‘you insolent creature what are you doing? This is child’s play.’ He chuckled at the thought, which reminded him of her birthday celebration they’d had. He could hardly remember that because of how drunk he was, but Denny could remember chuckling a lot, almost to the point of an annoying level. Annie hadn’t complained about it though, and now that she was quiet and he was being reminded of home, he felt a bit better. Things these days were easier to deal with when they reminded him of home.
1347 words -- cora/annie -- lyrics to fall out boy -- outfit is just you know a plain gray shirt, jeans, and those shoes blake's obsessed with wearing -- hi this is pretty great if i do say so myself call me conceited but yeah
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Post by ANNABELLE MARIE HURLEY on May 14, 2011 22:45:18 GMT -5
Annie didn’t see how anything was fair anymore. She had lost too much for life to ever be fair in that way. Annie had lost a chance at a childhood that she wished she’d had. Constant dreams bothered her; standing on the shores with the dress and the braids. She remembered the sea rising up to hug her and she fell like a stone. Sometimes she had the dream again, but it lasted a bit longer each time. She never mentioned it to Denny because she knew how upset he was the first time he heard she didn’t fight. Because in these dreams Annie never fought that weight that pulled her down. She didn’t have air; there was iron in her lungs. Everything that weighed her down day-to-day seemed to accumulate among her muscles and she would gasp and salt would burn her lungs as she just feel deeper. Annie didn’t have the fight she used to. She had a defense, not an offense. She pent herself up, dragged all her emotions into the core of her being to center herself. Annie’s walls were back up and it made things difficult for her and Denny. Annie didn’t know how to act anymore because she was just hurting too much. If she had learned anything from New Year’s, it was that when she felt like this she really should just use her words and tell him. But Annie never really did what she knew was right; she didn’t even know what was right and what was wrong anymore. All of that rested on Denny’s reactions to things, Denny pushing her in one direction and pulling her from another. Annie didn’t know how to do anything herself.
She was so intensely aware of her problems. Annie knew them, she knew how real and tangible things were. She knew how wrong they were and that each unsaid word was another elephant in the room. When she was breathing she could feel each flaw poke her lungs, like her ribs were broken and pushing into her body. It was easier to take the pain and ignore them. Annie wasn’t good with hurting. Physical stuff, that never bothered her. She’d been banged and bruised and bleeding, but she never remembered details. It was when little things burrowed under her skin like thumbtacks, small, individual things that hurt her heart and mind. Annie didn't like feeling so vulnerable. Between that and how she now needed to interact with people more, Annie's defenses were even higher. She couldn't risk anyone getting in. But it left her crumbling slowly from the inside out. Annie didn't like this feel, but she kept her mouth shut about it. There was importance for her to stay here. Annie was telling herself that twenty one was a little young to become a mother anyway. That thought usually hurt more than helped. But the label would be good; money from this could be saved up for keeping their family stable later. For now it was just her and Denny, but for now it was enough. It was enough for her to think, we're together. Let's be thankful for that.
In the quiet that she had created, it was easy for Annie to hear Denny's chair turn towards her. She closed her eyes, and kept trying to slow everything down. Her body obliged, save for the pounding that persisted in her head. She heard him sit by her and she stayed still, like she was a painting he was watching. For some reason that thought put her in a good mood. It made her want to giggle and wrap her arms around him and kiss his face as many times as she could. She felt good this way, and she had to keep a strong hold of herself to keep from grinning. Painting, remember? Annie was something someone had made, long long ago. She was turbulent and open-ended, someone who's meaning had been lost a while back. Denny was stuck trying to decode her, maybe appreciate her appearance. Annie didn't know. She didn't think she was pretty, and she wished she was. It was hard to think of that. Annie constantly basked in what Denny gave her; compliments, attention, anything, she tried to make the most of it. It left her feeling hollow though. Sometimes Annie didn't understand how she couldn't get enough out of it. She still felt empty with everything he gave her, like it wasn't enough. She still worried about every girl that passed him, even though she trusted him with every beat of her heart. He said he would never leave but Annie was so worried. How was she worried and insecure and empty when she trusted and believed and loved him so much? There was something wrong with her. There was nothing wrong with Denny, minus the fact that he loved her. Honestly, that was the only flaw Annie saw in him. But she liked that flaw. It was the only thing that kept her relevant.
When she felt his fingertips across her forehead, pushing her hair behind her ear, she opened her eyes and smiled with all her teeth showing. "Mhm," she said when the smile was done, pressing her lips together to make the sound. She grabbed his hand and stood up. “Sorry I kept us so late. I got caught up, I guess.” she sighed and pulled herself against him. Annie rested her head on his shoulder and swayed against him a little. It felt good to relax. Annie was forgetting how to do that these days. She had to stop pushing Denny the way she was. Angry, bitter, resentful... it was stupid. He didn't deserve that and Annie knew she would feel better if she just let her guard down. But it seemed so impossible. Sometimes at night she would crawl out of bed and lock herself in the bathroom of a temporary home that made her skin crawl. She would curl up in the bathtub and just cry. It would be dry and dark and she would be alone from Denny, but that's what she needed in those week moments. Denny made her strong enough to not break down when she was falling apart. Crawling out of bed made her weaker. She'd wrap her arms around her stomach and cry against the ceramic tub. It wasn't fair to her at all.
"It's okay," she said, lightly kissing the skin on his neck. She pulled back and her arms tucked behind his head, kissing his lips softly and smiling some more. "Maybe we could stop for dinner on the way back?" she said, watching him carefully with her head tilted. Annie took Denny in for a second from his eyes to his nose to the set of his jaw. There wasn't anything that she didn't like. Annie also pointedly didn't call this place home- it wasn't home. It was back, it was the room, it was where they were staying. It wasn't home to her. Home was with Denny but a lot of things had changed now and she needed some familiar. But he was so good to be with. She pressed her head against his neck. "Mmm." she said, pressing her lips against his skin again.
1212 yup - idk she's wearing clothes - lyrics to us by regina spektor - yay this post is for paigels etc etc
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Post by DENVER CARLOS HURLEY on May 15, 2011 11:04:56 GMT -5
Denny had learned over the last half a year. It had taken him some time, but he finally understood that speaking wasn’t the greatest thing in all situations. Some of the things he and Annie went through together were better conducted in silence. These days, silence gave way to remembrance, which gave way to this feeling that didn’t seem to follow them around recently. It was like when they were first signed, everything was great. Denny could hardly remember how the label had heard of them, and now he just knew he had to quit his job at the book store to come here and make music. But the day they’d signed those papers had been an awesome day. When the representative from the label came out and said they urgently come to New York to record, things had started going southward. Denny, at first, had felt a sense of euphoria. He wanted nothing more than to go to New York with Annie and put together a band and make music for the rest of his life. But once they were here, everything changed. Annie started acting way differently, and as a result Denny started to act differently also. Granted she had just gotten over the second miscarriage, something they hadn’t really spoken about, but Denny had expected her changes from that event to be over.
Obviously, they weren’t. It was like all of the sudden, since they weren’t home, Annie thought Denny was going to be taken away from her just because she didn’t seem to be able t have a baby. But she was only 21 and he was only 23; they had time, and Denny wasn’t worried about children. If worst came to worst, they’d adopt if Annie really wanted kids. Denny was indifferent to having them – if they ended up being able to have a child, he’d be ecstatic and try to be the best father he could; if not, then he’d suggest adoption and if Annie refused to that, he would understand. If they never had any children, Denny would be okay as long as he had Annie. That was what really mattered to him. He’d give this whole music career up if Annie wanted him to; all he wanted was to be with her forever. The sluts and the skanky fans would have to deal with the fact that Denny wasn’t one for divorce, that once he was married that was it – he was staying that way forever. If they didn’t like it, they’d go slut up some single (or not so single, but not so determined) band member from another world. No one understood what he and Annie had or what they’d been through together, and Denny knew that full well. He either had to pretend like it didn’t matter and just keep things together with Annie or he had to explain everything, but that could take a while and it would leave the band at risk of invalidation.
But for now, that wasn’t the biggest issue. Right now, Denny was more interested in getting Annie back to the hotel, where they could just waste the night away together because no one would stop them. He wanted to keep the feeling of back home about him; it made things easier to deal with, easier to look at and touch. Pretending that New York was Cape Cod would only work indoors, where Denny could blur the things around him because he wasn’t busy looking for the Cape Cod night sky. They had to move fast outside, but that sounded like they were on some sort of top secret mission. It wasn’t fair that they had to do certain things just to feel alright; this whole experience was supposed to make them feel like they were on top of the world. That didn’t seem to be the case; if Annie didn’t feel good, then Denny didn’t feel good, regardless of the job descriptions or the possibility of making it really big and having doors opened for them. Now that he thought about it that way, how would Annie react to even more people noticing her? She didn’t seem to like it too much so far, which Denny hadn’t expected. She’d commanded stages in small clubs and bars around the general Cape Cod area back home; everyone had noticed her before they noticed Denny and Boss back then. She hadn’t really seemed to mind back then, but then again they’d only played a few small shows after they’d started being a couple. Before that, Annie had done as she pleased sexually and Denny had focused on being her friend and not setting her off into a mood where he’d be banished from her sight for a week. The band seemed to flourish when circumstances were like that.
But they weren’t anymore. Now Annie and Denny were married. Now all they wanted was each other, except that Denny wanted this opportunity to really do something with his life. He felt like he still had to redeem himself from the accident 6 years ago. It made him absolutely nuts that he couldn’t just go on with his life from there, and in some directions he had, but in one particular department of the accident was where Denny was stuck, trying to claw his way up and out. It was the guilt he felt. But why was Denny guilty? He hadn’t actually done anything. Maybe it was because he’d brought his sister to the party; he’d allowed her to drink; he lost track of her steps and missed her tripping up the stairs of the house only to run back down minutes later with her shirt almost up over her torso and her pants slightly unbuttoned. Denny didn’t know if he was really guilty over that or if it was something bigger – all he knew was that he had a huge sense of guilt following him around everywhere these days. It wasn’t there when Annie had been the Annie he married, though to some extent she still was that person. The guilt had just risen from depths of coping and forgiving recently, like since they’d left Cape Cod.
The guilty feeling was washed away when she mentioned dinner. Denny’s stomach growled in response, so he chuckled a bit at it. He was mentally making things more complicated than they actually were right now; he just had to calm down and go to dinner with Annie, make sure she ate, and go to sleep on the comfy bed that the hotel provided for them to share. “Hey, it’s on the label.” He shrugged and chuckled again, holding onto Annie as she snuggled close to him. It was easier to stay quiet this way, when all he had to do was whisper and she would hear him. Whole sentences didn’t need to be transferred between them right now; just simple phrases and sounds would do. “I think it can be arranged.” Denny took Annie’s hand firmly but not abrasively in his own hand, then started out of the room. The quicker they could get to food the better, honestly. The faster they ate, the faster the day would be over and the closer they were to finally going back home again.
1210 words -- cora/annie -- lyrics to fall out boy -- outfit is just you know a plain gray shirt, jeans, and those shoes blake's obsessed with wearing -- bloop
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Post by ANNABELLE MARIE HURLEY on May 16, 2011 8:13:18 GMT -5
Was there something wrong with her, something other than what she had already acknowledged? Was something else damaged, out of place, or just not working the right way? She bit the inside of her lip. Denny seemed hurried and distant and it put Annie on edge. They always mirrored each other emotionally; this was just another example. It brought out the side of her that just couldn't stand to take her eyes off of him, the part that would attack anyone who tried to keep their eyes on him. Possessive, defensive, worried. Annie was so worried about her ability to anchor him; she didn't think she was enough to hold him in one place. She was tired and not pretty and she always failed at things. The second baby has just been the most reason example of her constant failure. Annie doubted her ability to keep Denny entirely. Recently especially. There were girls, girls Annie had never even imagined existing, flocking towards the band. She was distraught and self conscious. She felt overwhelmed by it. Why would he settle for her? Discouraged, gross, and worried. It brought out familiar feelings that Annie thought she had starved off. She hadn't given in yet, but she was dangerously close. With Denny acting like this, she wouldn't have the strength to keep from giving in. Annie always ended up giving in. She was built up of unhealthy habits, and it was only a short time before the game of Jenga that was Annie ended - she figured it would be abrupt, too. If there was going to be any warning, it would have appeared by now. She was teetering.
Those feelings hurt worse because of two things; if he did leave her now, she would completely split in two and not have anything. So much was invested in this man because besides him, Annie had nothing. Nothing but a dog and a few friends that were better off without her compelling her to stay around because Annie had never thought she would stay around. She always saw herself fading away because she wasn't supposed to fall in love or settle. Annie didn't understand that emotion before Denver, and you could be assured she didn't believe in it; she had no reason to, until he came around. When he did, Denny promised he would stay. She had woken up worried in the middle of the night and begged him to stay, and he said he would. He calmed her down, coaxed her back to bed. That was the second thing; he promised her so fervently and yet here she was doubting him. He was so sure and stable when he said it, buy Annie was cracked his words with her worry. It wasn't him she was doubting though - Annie didn't see it that way. She was doubting herself. Such a small catch, Annie felt as if she had tricked Denny and trapped him into this marriage. But she couldn't have done that, could she? Her head was hurting and her heart was thumping. Suddenly the happy feelings were gone and her head ache was nearly splitting her mind in two.
She didn't even know where they were going. Were they doing room service or take out or actually sitting down to dinner? And what were they going to eat if it was one of the latter? Annie didn't even want to eat. Her stomach was doing back flips with this adrenaline shot of worry that was coursing through her body. Nervous energy was pent up and she felt caged because of it. Was her palm sweating in his or was that just her imagination? She tried to slow herself down like she had in the studio, but it wasn't working because she was so worked up suddenly. Annie felt the need to pull him closer and lean against him. Annie would like his reassuring warmth against her cheek and his arm bracing her lower back. Being close always put her at ease. But that might have been asking too much with the way her head was going. Annie always asked too much because she was worth very little. Suddenly, Annie felt very, very alone. She might as well be walking without him and her chest hurt and felt tight. It was a very scary feeling because she had never felt such solitude when she had that physical connection with him. She felt without him even though he was there. But he was distant. That could have just been her mind working too hard, though. Her heart thumped and Annie stopped short. Her legs just stopped and she turned away from Denny. She dropped her hand from his and put both arms up so her hands were bracing the side of her face, and she closed her eyes. God, she felt like she was going to cry. Her head was throbbing. It was funny how signs she was probably making up could throw her into such a funk. "I haw a massive headache." she said, shaking her head and looking down.
Unconsciously, she slowly moved her hands from her face and instead wrapped both her arms around her stomach and looked away from him. The sky looked very black with how light it was down here. The lights made the stars hide, it scared them into enveloping themselves with that dark blanket of sky. Annie looked up at it and sighed through her nose. She remembered laying next to him on the sand and grass after that had gotten married. An indigo sky with thousands of dotted stars and a nearly-full moon that dyed everything a bright monochrome. Here there were just man holes and speeding mustard-colored cars. If she had been someone else she might have seen the beauty of it, she might have noticed how the horizon seemed like a crushed peach rind, or the way that the sounds of the street where a chorus. But she was Annie Hurley and the missed the dog woods that smelled like cherries where she grew up and she missed the salty sea grass where home was. The twenty one year old felt stranded, an island unto herself with rocky coral and tumultuous waves surrounding her, pushing people out. She lifted one hand to the bottom of her eye because she felt like it was about to water over. Annie was so frustrated by how she felt, infuriated by the way her emotions were so out of control at the drop of a hat. It didn't seem fair; but then again, none of what had happened recently seemed fair.
1104 yup - idk she's wearing clothes - lyrics to us by regina spektor - yay this post is for paigels etc etc
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Post by DENVER CARLOS HURLEY on May 16, 2011 18:33:53 GMT -5
Denny thought he’d defeated this. He thought the mood swings were a thing of the past. Apparently that wasn’t the case though. This instant was proof of that. One minute it was clear that she was waiting for him and the next she didn’t even hold his hand. She stepped away from Denny, making him feel like he’d done something wrong. That was his first reaction to every sour situation. It was Denny’s fault before anyone else. Annie’s reclusion scared Denny even further; it made his stable home feeling disappear and it made his head spin a bit. He wondered if he’d said something wrong, but going back through his statements, Denny didn’t really see anything that would have set Annie off like this. He almost sighed, but it didn’t feel right to do so. Instead, he watched Annie carefully, mentally picking out ways to unfold her and make her come back to him. Swings like this were not good – it wasn’t a sign Denny wanted to see. He took a small step in Annie’s direction silently, but stood completely still for a few seconds after that. When he lightened up, he just let his breath out and kept watching her.
This reminded him of times before they’d been together. She would just all of the sudden exclude them if he hit a touchy subject, block him out of her head until she was calm enough to want to talk to him again. Those times weren’t so frequent and they lessened the closer he and Annie got, but this particular instance reminded him of past happenings. It wasn’t good that that was happening. Denny wanted to live a different life with Annie now. He’d wanted that since he’d told her he loved her – he wanted things to be good and complete between them. Now he was married to her and things didn’t seem like they were, at least not now. Before all of this band stuff had happened, sure, Denny would fully admit to feeling complete and needing nothing else but his family. But then the baby happened, and the whole fiasco changed Annie more than Denny had ever dreamed of doing. She’d started out a zombie after the operation, and gradually Denny was able to pull Annie out of the trance, but she wasn’t the same. It hadn’t been so bad then; there’d been hope of getting her back to the way Denny knew Annie when it was just them, Leo, and Denny’s shitty job.
Now that the band and the label and the girls were involved, everything was different. Annie was different. Denny had a sneaking suspicion that her reasoning for being so were the girls that climbed all over him – or would, eventually, considering he was one of the main members of the band and he was a guy – but none of them mattered to him. He didn’t want to marry anyone else. He didn’t want any of them involved in his love life. He just wanted them to be able to sit back and listen to the music, not to try to take his clothes off and take something that wasn’t theirs. Annie had him wholly, didn’t she understand that? No one could hold a flame to the way he felt about her. She was his wife, the one person let alone woman he trusted with his entire being, including and especially his heart. So he reached out gently and touched her shoulder, just light enough as to not scare her but firm enough to enforce the fact that he was there. “We can just go back to the room then. I’ll order some room service and you can lay down if you want.” He didn’t really care where they went, as long as they went there together. Denny didn’t want to lose Annie over this band; he would do anything he could to make sure she knew that.
Denny didn’t notice the night sky at all. He didn’t see the starless night; he only saw Annie and he saw her obvious discomfort that immediately he wanted to rid the world of. Denny didn’t want to see like this. He wanted her hands around his back, clasping him close, but not in a demandingly psychopathic protective manner. He just wanted her to hold him in the way she used to. He wanted everything to go back to being okay – he wanted that baby to be fine so none of this could have happened. Even the band. Denny would give Drawing Blanks up once and for all the instant Annie said she wanted to – the music meant nothing to him without her. It was just meaningless noise, no words or levels of a higher meaning involved. Denny would be just as empty without Annie; he needed her like she needed him, only in different ways. He didn’t need the sex, he didn’t need the possibility of a child; he just needed the security of knowing it was her that cared about him, that someone actually liked him enough to want to marry him the way they’d gotten married. Was it fair to make him feel like he wasn’t an adequate husband? No, but was it fair to treat Annie like she was crazy? No, that wasn’t fair of him to do to her. Denny had to learn that understanding Annie’s issues was still going to be a feat in itself, even if he was married to her. Annie just had to learn that shutting him out made him feel like something he’d done was wrong….still.
“Annie, what’s wrong?” Denny felt so compelled to make sure she was going to be able to make it the next week or so in New York that he had to ask. He couldn’t just sit back and pretend like nothing was off, like Annie was totally okay. He couldn’t call her out for seeming a bit crazy, but he couldn’t not try to help her either. It was a stick situation and Denny had to choose his words extremely carefully to not say the wrong thing; he had to watch his hands and feet just as carefully to make sure he didn’t make the wrong moves either. Denny, in that careful stride he’d forced himself into, moved slowly around to Annie’s front. He wanted to pull a hand of hers towards him, make her know that he was there for her, but he figured a look and his hand on her shoulder would do because he didn’t want to continue to set her off. “I mean what’s really wrong? Tell me, please.” Denny looked between her eyes, trying to find some clarity or an answer or just something, but he knew her words would reinforce something that would take him by surprise if he relied on just her eyes. That was how Annie worked, and that was what he was going to have to work around.
1155 words -- cora/annie -- lyrics to fall out boy -- outfit is just you know a plain gray shirt, jeans, and those shoes blake's obsessed with wearing -- hello
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Post by ANNABELLE MARIE HURLEY on May 17, 2011 7:48:11 GMT -5
The littlest things set Annie on edge. Pathetic, probably. Most of the time she found herself revisiting that idea. Such meditation was probably a good indication of how pathetic she was. But small things, as insignificant as a lady bug's wings, would jam her gears and make Annie work all out of sorts. That's when the mood swings came in. An immense chain reaction would go off in her mind, throwing in false information and coming up with over done conclusions. That was Annie's thought process, and it normally put her into a very bad spot. Such as now, Denny was treating her as if she were a wild animal, or something like that. She felt like one. She felt on edge and she was watching things to gauge that fight or flight response. She exhaled slowly as he walked closer, his hand on her shoulder. Was that it, was that all she got? Annie's skin felt sick, wallpaper about to peel from her bones. Arm's length, she was always held and arm's length, too dangerous to get close too. Repulsed. He’s absolutely disgusted by me. I’m a disease. Words from the past didn't need to be echoing in her head. It didn't help the massive throbbing in her head.
“Annie, what’s wrong?” She looked down and wiped the back of her hand under her nose. She almost smiled with the stupidity of his question. He knew the answer; how did she always answer that question? Me. Annie was wrong, time and time again. Plus, now more than ever it was true. There really wasn't anything wrong that was intense enough to be noticed. Annie amplified things in her head and she made things up. Annie could ruin the most picturesque and perfect thing, because that's what she did, ruin things. Annie was wrong, wrong, wrong. This whole thing felt like deja vu and the thumb on the hand of Annie's arm that was still wrapped around her stomach rubbed at the skin at the top of her jeans. On her hips, she could just reach the area where her skin was warped, still. Most of the burns on her arm had faded to a color most would overlook. Her hips and collarbones, which had taken the brunt of the breakdown, still looked like battlefields, so obvious in the sense that they made Annie doubt herself. She exhaled again and looked past Denny.
Denver moved so he was facing her, and Annie just looked down. She looked at the way the sidewalk was cracked under her feet with old black gum ground into it. Suddenly, it was a pretty enthralling landscape. “I mean what’s really wrong? Tell me, please.” She couldn't look at him. It hurt her chest when she thought about it. Annie was waiting to just shrink into the cracks and be overlooked. All she wanted was comfort, not confrontation. This was too harsh for the way her head was pounding. She wanted him to wrap her up with his long arms and smooth her hair and say she just needed relax. Cradle her head against his broad chest and say calm down, you're alright, you'll be fine. She didn't want him to ask her what was wrong. That was too invasive and harsh for her right now. He wouldn't like the answer anyway. Fuck, he knew the answer. It came from her mouth so often it was as if the words were rehearsed and on autopilot. The first time they'd gone through this - on the beach, and Annie was starting to see eerie similarities to now - he said that he'd had so little to live for. Annie wondered if he would still love her if the accident hadn't happened. Annie wondered if he really needed Annie to care about him or if anyone would do. He could have someone normal to love him and even take care of him like goof wives did. Annie could barely take care of herself.
She looked at him finally, making direct eye contact. She exhaled painfully because looking at him made her feel cornered, but almost in a good way. Almost, because she would have shrank under eye contact and feel very small. Denny was so immense in comparison to her. She was crumbling and weak, rusting away. Denny just held her up and took her mind off everything else. She loved him so much that her heart hurt with all the extra work of loving him. He wasn't close enough but in that moment Annie didn't have the guts to pull him closer, and Annie's knuckles hurt like the burns there were fresh. Grotesque and raw, but it had only hurt for a second. Annie had a huge pain tolerance, which wasn't really good with all the times she had hurt herself and never gone to the doctor's or anything. She closed her eyes softly. "You know what I'm gonna say." she said surprisingly even. Very matter of fact. She had already accepted her reoccurring fate of being wrong. It was common knowledge, she thought. That's who she was; wrong. Annie could feel her pulse in her stomach and opened her eyes. She wished she could press her fingers to her stomach, try to fine where that pulse was coming from and stop it. She realized the way that sounded, and she felt dizzy. She closed her eyes again and pursed her lips. "My head huuuurts, Denny," she whined, and finally closed the distance between them, resting her forehead against him lightly.
The second time she had said that, they'd been in the hospital, after the first miscarriage. What Annie remembered the most about that whole event was the beginning, just because fear was such a strong emotion and stuck well with her memory. Annie had just been clinging to Denny because she was already fucking terrified of hospitals and her head was ringing with the immensity of what had just happened. And they had pulled her away. Denny let them, let them just take her. Annie had nearly ripped holes in his shirt with how steadily she was holding onto him, but they were separated anyway. That was the scariest thought and memory that Annie had, actually. Hospitals and separation weren't good for her at all. Her biggest fears and they had happened. She had felt so useless and lifeless. It was kind of funny how she could be so collected on the outside, but was so precarious inwardly. She didn't wrap her arms around him because she still didn't have the push to do it, so her arms were held up to her chest as she kept her head on him. She wished she could stop thinking she was wrong, like he had asked her to.
1130 - idk she's wearing clothes - lyrics to us by regina spektor - yay this post is for paigels etc etc
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Post by PAIGELS on May 17, 2011 18:04:12 GMT -5
It seemed like no matter the case, Annie was always going to find a way to say that she was what was wrong. It was like his issue with always blaming himself; in every negative moment, Denny searched for reasons as why it was his fault. Annie came up with any little reason for her to be wrong, for her head to be wrong and her thoughts to be wrong. But Denny never saw it that way. Annie was right in the sense that he knew the answer, but only after she’d said something about him knowing. Denny didn’t see Annie as constantly being wrong because who was to set the limits of right and wrong? Denny didn’t allow anyone he knew to be the person to set it all out; he wasn’t going to say that Annie was wrong. Simply, he wasn’t going to take that for an answer. At the same time, Denny felt like pushing the subject would only make things worse. He thought that telling her that he didn’t believe she was wrong would only make her more irritable, so he ignored her words and pretended like they had never happened. That would only last for so long, considering it was an inevitable subject between the two of them. Denny honestly wished, though, that they could be done and over it, just to save them the pain of having to go through it.
Denny didn’t take into consideration that holding her the way he had been was a bad thing. He hadn’t thought about the fact that she would want him to keep her close rather than keep her far away, and he hadn’t thought that his holding her at arm’s length would scare her more than him making a fast approach in her direction. Denny hadn’t even given a thought to the possibility that he could actually make things right; that confidence that had been restored and destroyed multiple times had fallen into the latter category shortly after they’d come to New York. It had started to deteriorate the minute Annie had started getting over protective, almost like she didn’t trust him. It took Denny a little while for him to realize she did trust him, she just didn’t trust other people that were so suddenly pushed into their lives. But Denny trusted them, at least to the point where he didn’t feel like he had to watch Annie like a hawk, though he seemed to be good at that. Still, it only made sense to touch more than her shoulder once Annie had her head against his chest. Denny was slow like that. Once she was against him, his arms wrapped around her and he sighed, only because he felt kind of worthless at the moment. He didn’t know what to do , what would work to fix this tension between them – or rather, get rid of it completely.
Her words annoyed his ears, but Denny didn’t move or say anything at first. He felt like he was teetering, because in stressful situations Denny was in danger of losing himself. He wasn’t really angry, and that was when the switch happened, but it wasn’t unnatural for him to lose his mind to the second personality – the violent, ruthless one – when he was under any sort of stress. It hurt to know that that personality had hurt Annie and that Denny had the hardest time controlling it, making sure it only came out when he absolutely needed it. That wasn’t how the split personality thing worked; it came out whenever it felt like it, or when Denny was most vulnerable, and that happened when he was stressed or tense. He didn’t blame Annie for feeling the way she did, at least not now, so he didn’t blame her for stressing him out; this life wasn’t as easy as it’s been cracked up to be. You get signed but then you have everyone coming between you and the one person you love, and then the music and your life suffers from your lack of…well, perhaps everything. None of that last bit made any sense, but Denny knew what he was mentally rambling about. It all held relevancy to him.
“Let’s just go back to the hotel then.” He sighed again and leaned his head on top of hers. Annie seemed more unstable than she had in a while, but at the same time Denny felt the same way. Not in the way that all of this could end in seconds, but in the manner that he could just become someone he would regret knowing existed with a few harsh, unwanted words. He had to keep a calm head, force himself to stay strong, and make sure he didn’t let anything Annie might say change his mind about anything. He had to force himself into staying that way, but once he thought about it, Denny realized he was making all of this ten times as much a problem as it really was. He sighed once more just to calm himself, and once he felt a bit more stable he moved his head and kissed her hair, trying to help Annie into a more calm state of mind, too. It was almost as if suddenly his hope in keeping them together was restored, only without nearly as much nobleness as that sounded. The world was spinning and it was too dark and the day was too long – Denny wanted to go back to the hotel, eat, and fall asleep, just to get the whole day over with.
Denny’s hands on her waist gave him a sense of laying in bed, holding her close and knowing that everything was alright. Being reminded of a time when nothing else mattered besides being together gave Denny a sense of belonging, like he wasn’t here alone and he wasn’t fighting this battle himself. It made him easier to deal with, knowing that at one point he and Annie had been easy and light. It reinforced the hope that one day, they’d be that way again. “Annie, I just want you to know that just because more people are involved in our lives doesn’t mean I feel any differently.” That line sounded so overused that Denny swore he almost threw up. He leaned back just so he could see her, but he couldn’t even force a smile onto his face. He didn’t think he looked sad or disappointed. Denny was just exhausted, tired from the day’s work and the tension he’d let himself build up, and he really just wanted to eat something and go to bed, curled up next to Annie because there was no other way to fall asleep anymore. “I will always love you, Annie. I wouldn’t be married to you if I didn’t love you. These…..new people, the only thing they mean to me is a fan base. They’re just something that helps pay the bills.” He paused because Denny wanted to keep this short and sweet, not make it a huge epic novel or something. “They’re temporary. You’re not; you’re permanent for me. Just… Just don’t ever forget that.”
With that, Denny was definitely ready to get back to the room, get some food and make the day officially over, even if it was close to being over anyway.
1221 words -- cora/annie -- lyrics to fall out boy -- outfit is just you know a plain gray shirt, jeans, and those shoes blake's obsessed with wearing -- this is disgusting. gross. what am i even doing with my life cora?
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Post by ANNABELLE MARIE HURLEY on May 18, 2011 21:13:25 GMT -5
Annie could be so, so quiet. As she had before, she could slow everything down, drop away from existence and not be noticed by a soul. She wasn't always quiet because quiet wasn't always kind to her. Annie used it when she wanted to disappear. She was good at being overlooked. Silence came hand in hand with becoming a shadow to society. Her potential to be so forgotten contradicted with her need to be noticed, especially by Denny. Annie needed him to give her attention. It was the only thing that she had ever really worked for in any sense. It calmed her down. Her want to get his attention is what had pulled her towards him. Unconscious and magnetic. There was a massive difference between need and ability. Maybe it was dramatic to think she needed it so badly, but Annie didn't know what else she needed besides that. Her only goal was his affection.
She used that here. The rest of the walk to the hotel, Annie was silent. She leaned against Denny, thinking but not speaking. His words pushed Annie to relax, but her head was stuck in the funk that reliving New Year's day in the beach had brought. She would absentmindedly rub her arms sometimes, or press her fingers into the gap above her collarbones. When her hands moved down to her sides, her fingers brushed her hips on their descent. Small spots she wouldn't forget. The motions moved Annie, made her chest hurt, made her avoid talking. Talking was nearly useless, especially when her voice would break if she spoke.
The movements also evoked this tidal wave of self-hate and rage. Annie hated those burns. Only once had they ever been right, and that's when Denny's lips had been against them. Otherwise, they were horrible, horrible things that Annie regretted more than words could ever describe. The energy she set aside for this anger was an immense store of time and effort. She rarely let those emotions really surface. She didn't think she'd ever made any physical indication to the underlying negativity except for when she had scarred herself by digging and twisting her thumb nail into her thigh. While the burns on her arms and slowly faded, and even then most severe burns would just look like large, odd freckles in coming years, the obscure, lumpy scar on Annie's thigh - the first burn - wouldn't go away. That made her more upset and Annie's mood was simmering again.
In the hotel, Annie somehow got closer to Denny. She pressed herself against him because Denny was her ambassador to the world. She didn't like having to move and see people. Annie wasn't even used to getting dressed the way she was. For months she hadn't even worn pants - just Denny's shirts. Now she was always having to get dressed up and do things with her hair and makeup. Another contradiction - the girl who constantly worried about her looks liked to keep an unkempt appearance. Honestly it wasn't even the appearance change - she just didn't want to be around these people at all.
Annie didn't really like elevators either; trapped and moving up, up, up. It made her lungs feel weird and Annie wasn't really fond of feelings like that. Outside of the elevator, the little lobby between the elevators, she moved close to Denny again and walked so that he was backed to the wall. For a second Annie was struck by how nice it was in this hotel. Crushed velvet walls. They were living the high life, and she was unhappy with it. How selfish, really, but also how weird that she was more pleased with barely making ends meet than this. She leaned up, and her hands moved behind Denny's neck and pulled him closed to her level. Kissing him, even in such a strange and silent way and location, was refreshing, relaxing, familiar and calming. She heard the elevator door open behind them, but didn't move. Annie knew that if she didn't pull back, Denny wouldn't, no matter how uncomfortable he was. After her kissing got really breathless, she finally ended the kiss and her heads slid from his neck to his chest. She smiled a little. Unconsciously, one hand moved from his chest to her collarbone again, digging her fingers into the hollow there. "What would I do without you?" she said smiling some more, only half joking. Her she's were still sad looking. They'd been that way since the second baby. She didn't know if they'd ever change.
god this sucks i'm really sorry it's those fucking mockingbird chicks kept me up all fucking night
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Post by DENVER CARLOS HURLEY on May 19, 2011 12:19:02 GMT -5
Silence was something that Denny was accustomed to. He’d spent too much time rolled up in its company. The seemingly endless time span between moving out of his parents’ house and meeting Annie finally had been filled with silence and the sound of bird wings outside his top-floor window. He didn’t have a t.v. then and he wouldn’t have used it if he had; Denny didn’t own anything that had really made a lot of noise, but even if he had owned them, they would have been as obsolete as the television. Denny had embraced the silence. Darkness and silence had been his only allies, keeping him company when no one else would. He was used to being quiet, used to listening through it. That was why he wasn’t bothered by the silence Annie had left him in on the walk home. Well, it was more that he wasn’t bothered for himself. He was worried, that was for sure, but only because of their exchange in the studio. It made Denny hyperaware of Annie, but he wouldn’t say so. He didn’t need her thinking that something was so wrong with her that he had to keep watching her constantly, because that wasn’t how he saw it.
Denver just felt that watching Annie the way he did might help him keep her happy, or at least indifferent to where they were. Wasn’t life about the journey, not the destination? Better yet, wasn’t it about who you were with, not where you were? Well, either Annie had never heard of those sayings or she didn’t follow them, because either way she was freaking out because of the people here, the fact that they weren’t home. Denny would admit that New York wasn’t home. This place was lights and flashiness and it was nice to see, but it wasn’t someplace that Denny was ready to just live in. He was here temporarily, and the thought of touring was something he’d kept in the back of his mind. If he didn’t think New York was comfortable enough to call home, how would he and Annie deal with living on a bus? It would be a feat in itself, to learn how to live on the road, but Denny would get used to it. It was Annie that he had to worry about. If she was this out of sorts while they were stationary in New York, how would she act on the road, where they never stayed in one place for too long? Thinking about that made Denny feel like this whole band thing wasn’t worth it. If Annie wasn’t going to be happy, why had she agreed to do this? Denny would be just as happy working at the book store in Cape Cod, as long as he had Annie to come home to.
The hotel wasn’t home either. It wasn’t even a temporary home. It was just a place to sleep and occasionally eat; otherwise it was just a building with bedrooms and showers. It was nice, no doubt; the label went to all expenses to make sure they were comfortable at night, but not necessarily comfortable with where they were. That wasn’t to say the neighborhood where the hotel was happened to be a sketchy one; it was just that Annie and Denny didn’t feel comfortable calling this place anything other than a hotel. The hallways were long and intricate and nice to look at, but the held no sentimental value for either of them. The elevators were cheesy in their choice of musak, but it distracted him from the confined space. It still just wasn’t the same. Denny would wake up in the morning and smile because Annie was there, but he knew something was missing, even in that barely-conscious state. Leo wasn’t there, Beast wasn’t there, and on top of that that home feeling wasn’t there. He really did want to go home soon, but until this album was finished that didn’t look like it was going to happen. The label didn’t really like the idea of them leaving in the middle of production, which Denny could understand on some levels but not on others. He started to guess that whatever he’d known about major labels before was right; they cared more about how their money was handled than their artists.
But they were seeming to make the best of what they had, at least most of the time. That was evident in the way Annie just pushed Denny against the wall. They didn’t care who saw, not that they ever had, and Annie obviously didn’t care what anyone thought. At least, not right now. She kissed him, and Denny felt like maybe things would be alright. He felt a hundred times better than he had in the studio, and suddenly things just started making sense. Denny didn’t really care that he wasn’t at home, he just cared that he was with Annie. That was what mattered. This kiss was what mattered, not the hotel, not the record deal, not anything besides the two of them being together. It didn’t matter that they kept their marriage between the two of them because at least they knew. It wasn’t like they kept it a secret, it was just easier to maintain with the fewer people that knew. Then again, there were just some people that needed to know – people that were the source of Annie’s fear. They obviously needed to know the barriers of Denny’s life, but not at that moment. Not when they were finally having a good moment. Today had been tense and long and this was a nice change.
When she pulled away, Denny didn’t actually feel like he had back at the studio. He still felt good, and he still didn’t care what happened around him. He thought about what Annie asked and smiled. He hadn’t noticed until then, but his hands found that place on her waist. It was a familiar feeling , and it added a nice little touch to the night. “I’m not quite sure,” he said in a tone that suggested that he was joking in a way that wasn’t meant to be immature. Denny pulled Annie closer and rested his head on hers, forgetting about people coming in and out of the elevators. “Probably where I’d be without you.” He kissed her again quickly, still smiling because this was the best he’d felt in a day or two. “Nowhere.” And Denny meant that. He definitely wouldn’t be here without Annie. He wouldn’t be married without her – he would never have gotten married to anyone else, and he still wouldn’t. Without Annie, Denny would be alone in the world, totally solitary until the day he stopped being alive (because there was a difference between living and being alive). He wouldn’t even be living by that standard without Annie. Without her, there was nothing to be.
The elevator rang again and doors reopened. Denny couldn't stop smiling as he turned and walked into the elevator, tagging Annie along by the hand. Once they were inside and the doors were closed, Denny put his arms around her from behind and rested his chin on her shoulder. This feeling was just sticking around, clawing itself around inside of him, but Denny didn't care. The elevator went up and up; Denny's lips kissed Annie's neck a few times before the elevator sounded again and the doors opened. Annie lead the way out and down the hall to the room, and Denny still couldn't stop smiling.
lost count words -- cora/annie -- lyrics to fall out boy -- outfit is just you know a plain gray shirt, jeans, and those shoes blake's obsessed with wearing -- oh hello there
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