devastation and reform

[emmett]

So think real slow

[/color][/font]
Don't forget that yes is yes and no is no [/font]
About the way you want to go[/color][/font]
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Emmett couldn't keep regular hours. Being on the road had given him the ability to stay up till three in the morning and wake up at eight the next day. It was a habit that he had trouble breaking when the band got any time off. So today, something kick started his waking up before noon. Despite how much he tried, there was no staying in the nice warm bed once he was awake. The boy wasn't made to sit still doing nothing for much longer than a couple of minutes. He had a lot of energy, it kept him constantly moving. While this was great during shows when people were paying to see him act as crazy as possible, Emmett couldn't help but cling onto the covers for a moment before slowly getting up to shower. It was too early to call pretty much any of his friends, since most of them would have been out much later than he had been the night before. He was usually sensible about the amount of time he spent running around the city at night. It didn't have to be every single night, and the boy didn't need to be constantly wasted to enjoy himself. This was a difference between him and the majority of his peers. Emmett had pretty much everything at his finger tips, but he didn't instantly start grabbing. The lifestyle that came with his music hadn't taken him over completely yet. Though this meant spending a few mornings on his own, he like to hope it was better than waking up with a hang over every day of the year.

As awake as he felt, he didn't rush himself. taking his time to dig out an outfit from the massive pill of clothes before quickly inhaling the last bagel in his apartment. Emmett had no where to be, there was just a big blank box on his calendar surrounded by ones identical to it except for the fact they were covered in the boys messy slanted writing. All things that the record label executives had been sure to make their assistants tell him. Most of them were boring, meetings to crunch numbers and discuss promotions. Things that he often wished he had an assistant or two to attend for him. There was no escaping it though, it was a part of the job they severely over paid him to do. So he wanted to take advantage of the free time while he had it. With or without plans, he was not going to stay cooped up in that trashed apartment. Thus the second he had finished eating the boy quickly grabbed his keys, wallet and phone before practically running out the door. He took a lot of delight in running off without telling anyone where he was going. Emmett rarely got to enjoy the life of those who chose to remain unknown to the viewing public. Not that he didn't enjoy the spotlight, Emmett knew a million different ways to play himself up when there was an audience paying attention. But you had to value the balance between the two. It had taken him a few years to really grasp how much he needed the separation between his private and public life. To ignore when he wanted to be left alone often ended in nasty arguments with paparazzi or shouting matches with practically anyone who happened to be near. No, to always act like he was performing would lead to him burning out much too quickly.

Most people would probably think it was weird that he was very aware he had the potential to be the next Lindsay Lohan in him somewhere. They didn't understand that Emmett had spent the last five years of his life growing up surrounded by the music industry. He had learned a lot more about himself than most twenty five year olds. The constant change was as noticeable in him as it was in the music that the band made. Each record documented them in a way, and what was going on with Emmett often translated over. Given the forum to vent, he found himself with a lot less anger, annoyance or bitterness built up in him. It was an excellent way to clear your head or a heavy heart. This meant that his precious energy wasn't wasted dwelling on problems other people caused around him. It made him very easy to be around because he was able to keep a calm level-headedness in most situations. In general the boy was good natured, well intended any way. Though on occasion he might have been overly friendly with strangers, perhaps catching people off guard when he was only trying to be nice in the same way he always did. Emmett couldn't really help who he was, and he wasn't about to change just because there was a sizable chunk of the population that was no longer use to the warm welcomes he liked to give. You couldn't make yourself fit into a mold just because it was convenient. That was the fastest way to lose yourself in the sea of black ties and briefcases.

Wandering down the streets of New York, which were slightly less packed than normal though it was early on the weekend, Emmett made little effort to not be seen as he went about his way. Passing a number of stores he had no intention of going into in his life time, rarely finding anything worth stopping for and any where that did interest him was closed. Miserable luck, but the boy didn't need to spend another day window shopping for things he didn't need or plan to buy. Emmett just got caught up in the possibility of the things he saw, even things you knew wouldn't work that had to have come straight out of a late night infomercial. It was the chance that maybe it really did do what the box promised, that there were a million ideas out there to fix all the tiny problems in your life. Too much of his money was spent on them, just to test them out in hopes that he'd find the diamond in the rough one of these days. Today he was going to try to keep a few more dollars in his wallet by just going by them as quickly as possible. Although it was sometimes easy to forget, there was a refuge of sorts in the massive city for when you wanted to get away from all the bright display windows. The park was where he'd decided to go after only a few minutes of walking along the sidewalk, something in him telling him that he'd spent enough time surrounded by pavement and glass buildings. Though the park didn't make these things completely go away, it was easier to pretend they didn't exist with a few more trees around.

When he finally got there though, he was even more pleased to find that it was good and deserted as far as he could see. He would have been fine with other people being there but he would be lying if he said that he didn't like being to wander onto the grass from the trail without anyone questioning where he was planning on going. Yes the boy knew there were plenty of people who judged him harshly based simply on how he looked. The tattoos, clothing and job definitely made it easy for people to typecast him as trouble. What might come off as formidable had never been intended to make people uneasy. Emmett did what he wanted to without considering how the masses might react, you could never please everyone after all. The emptiness around him made exploring the park rather uneventful, something he wasn't exactly looking to change but the second you thought anything like that was the same second you realized it wasn't couldn't possibly last. Emmett's realization of this came in the form of the girl he quite accidentally stumbled upon. She was just sitting on a swing that looked rather old to him though he imagined it wasn't the city maintenance's biggest concern. There was the thought of just turning around and keeping to himself, but that would have been rather rude if she had already seen him. So he took the few precarious steps forward to get a better look at her and be heard clearly, but not so close as to truly invade even the biggest personal bubble. There was a dawning of recognition for him, the reason behind the pang of familiarity he had felt when he had gotten his first clear view of her.

"Anissa?," he questioned, unsure of whether he was definitely putting the right name to the right face. If it was who he thought, then he hadn't seen her since high school which was a fair number of years ago. Even then they hadn't be super close friends, if anything just two people who had share some friends but not enough to actually hang out with just each other at any point in time. " Uh..Emmett," he said pointing at himself when it occurred to him that any memory she had of him would probably be at least as shaky as the ones he had of her. " Grayson," he added, though most people didn't know that many Emmett's to get the name confused. It was more the huge gap of time that had passed since he would have been certain she knew who he was that made him question whether he stood out of the crowd enough to be worth remembering. " Didn't mean to sneak up on you," he told her, looking back from the way he'd came which looked like to came out of the bushes a bit more than it had seemed when he was walking it. Either way, it was well off the beaten path, something he thought might have been odd to someone who didn't understand that Emmett wasn't interested in just seeing the same things that everyone else did. He liked discovering something new, which you couldn't do if you weren't willing to stray a little.

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[/b][/color] done
TEMPLATE CREDIT TO:[/color] sydknee says!
BANNER CREDIT TO:[/color] moi
ROLEPLAYING WITH: [/color]alice//anissa
WORD COUNT WITHOUT CODES:[/color] 1701
OUTFIT:[/color] clicks
OTHER:[/color] bleh
[/font][/ul]

[ALICE]

THE WARMTH OF YOUR EMBRACE
melts my frostbitten spirit
••••••••••••••••••••••••

Anissa woke up from, yet another, nightmare and sadly enough, they were always about the same person. She had the same reoccurring one every night. And it always ended up the same way. With a scream and no one coming, just a lot of pain and screaming. She would scream so loud she would wake herself up from it most nights, but not this night. She was sure that her neighbors could hear here, but she just didn't care about that anymore. She rolled over to look at her clock, she woke herself up before the screaming started this time. It read two A.M., but she refused to believe that, she couldn‘t have been asleep for such a short amount of time. She pushed herself up and out of bed. She had only gotten five hours of sleep tonight. That seemed to be an on going trend for her. It took forever for her to get to sleep and once she was, it was only for a small period of time. She continued to move though her small clean apartment. She needed a shower, her hair was getting gross and she needed to kill some time. She also couldn't think of Him anymore. It had been years and she still couldn't even think His name, but she knew that He wasn't worth it. No guy was. Anissa had trust issues. She hated all guys. After her dad left and got remarried and never called her again, and Him doing all that shit to her, well she had good reasons. She would never look twice at a guy. They scared her. All of them. Even the cute and innocent ones. They were always the worst, though. She never wanted to be on love. She knew what it looked like and she didn't want any part of it. Nothing good ever came out of it. How could it. You were controlled by your emotions and not your brain. It was stupid, all of it was. But still, Anissa couldn't help but what that she wanted to be loved. And maybe it wasn't as bad as she made it out to be. But it was a small and silly want. She was never really going to entertain that thought for to long. It never did her any good anyways. She pushed everything out of her head and hoped in the shower.

A half an hour later, Anissa was done getting ready. The clock read 2:36 A.M., but Anissa grabbed her keys and wallet anyway, before walking out the door. New York was the city that never sleeps, but it still looked pretty dead at this time in the morning. People still crowed the streets and cars still drove to random places. People were still walking around living their normal, and some not so normal, lives. Anissa wanted to get away from all of that though. She wanted to be by herself. She could have stayed inside, but she was getting bord of looking at the same four dumb walls. She needed something new, but wasn't really sure what. She walked for a while. Passing shops of all different types and diners and just about anything and everything there was to pass on the streets of New York. Anissa tried not to think, but that wasn't really working for her. It never did. Anissa wished she had brought her notebook, so she could maybe write a song, or at least write some of her problems out. There were a million thoughts going through her head all at once. And she just couldn't get them out of her head. The most popular one was, of course, about Him. After waking up, He was always the first thing on her mind. She normally did other things to keep Him out of her head. But she was just walking about and there was nothing else for her to think about. But no way was she going to let her self think of that night. Anissa tried so hard to block it out while she was awake, sleeping was a different story though. And now that she was up and walking about and people could see her, well she just couldn’t do it (think about Him, that is). She was passing central park, but she stopped and looked at it for a second. She didn’t think anyone she would know, or know her, would be there at this time. And she could just walk around and stay clear of people. It was what she did best anyways. The thought hit her and before she new it she was turning down the street to walk the roads of the park.

Being a lead singer, Anissa was not much of a people person. She was the only twenty-four year old she new that didn't have a single friend. She kind of had Maddi, but she never really did anything with her. Never really opened up and talked about real things with her. Anissa liked Maddi, and liked how she didn’t push her to do anything she didn’t feel comfortable doing, but she still didn’t really hang out with her much either. But that was it. Anissa thought about getting a cat. That way she could tell all of her problems to the small and innocent creature and not worry about having it judge her. And she had heard cats were anti-social for the most part, just like Anissa. She really liked the idea of coming home to someone. It was a nice and comforting thought. She walked down the road and around central park. It was truly beautiful at this time, with not a soul in sight. If she was more of a photographer, she would have taken a million pictures of the scenery. She found a swing set she didn’t knew even existed. Anissa knew it was for children and didn't really look safe, if fact, it was looking really old, but she picked a swing, second from the left, and sat down. She rocked her feet back and forth watching her dress sway with the movement. She watched as her combat boots made imprints in the dirt. Anissa looked up to see that it was still pretty dark out. But there were a few ray's of light coming from the direction that she was looking at. She sat on the swing, and for the first time that she could remember, she watched the sun begin to rise over the trees. She didn't know what time it was, but some part of her didn't really care to know. She was happy to be sitting on that swing all by herself. She could think of anything she wanted to when no one was around. Just the sound of the birds chirping and squirrels running around trying to find food. She was alone and she wasn’t scared. She didn’t really feel alone. She was outside and the sun on her face felt great. She couldn’t remember the last time she was really outside. And you could tell from how pale her skin was, that it had been a while.

Anissa didn't know how long she had been sitting there rocking back and forth on the swing, but it had gotten to be pretty light out. All the sudden she heard foot steps coming up the path, but she never looked up. She didn't care who was coming, she just hoped that they wouldn't stop and talk with her. Anissa was never in the mood to stop and talk to random people walking by. So, she kept her head down. She listened to the foot steps though, trying to figure out where the person was going. She heard them stop for a second, before continuing on over to her. Anissa couldn’t tell if it was a boy or a girl walking down the road. She hoped they would pass her and not say a word though. Just keep walking and mind their own damn buis- "Anissa?" She head her name being called. Fuck. It had to be someone she new then. How unlikely was that. She never saw anyone she knew, anywhere. And being so early on a weekend, in the middle of central park, well that was just bad luck. But the second he said her name her head snapped up. She had a confused look on her face. She didn't recognize this boy at first. He had so many tattoos and to be honest, they fascinated Anissa. She loved the way he looked like a piece of artwork. Walking around and advertising it. She wondered if they had any meaning to them. She hoped they did. She still had not a clue who he was, or how he knew her name though. She wasn't happy either that it was a guy. She hadn't talked to a guy in god knows how long. She tried to stay away from the male species, but he kept talking.

When he said his name Anissa kind of remembered him from somewhere. Emmett was a name that a person remembers. But Anissa likes to block memories from her head, especially ones that reminded her of Him and anything dealing with that time in her life. When he said his last name Anissa was sure she knew him. And the second she realized it, she wished she hadn't. He was one of His friends, and she had known and made casual conversation with him a couple of times, but that’s where it ended for them. Not a good friends with Him, but still. She knew Emmett was a sweet guy, but didn't really care to be friends with him. She wasn't really friends with anyone, then or now. High school was not a good time for her. She was with Him for only three and a half months but he still mangled to make everyday hell for her. But He wasn't here right now. Emmett was. And he had always seemed like a cool guy, but Anissa still didn't trust him. She didn't really trust anyone. She was still staring at him and still looked pretty shocked. "Didn't mean to sneak up on you," when she heard this, she thought she should say something. She blinked at him once, before she opened her mouth to speak. "Yeah, I'm Anissa. You went to my high school right? I think you were like a year older than me? But I don't even remember right now. Umm… do you wanna…" Anissa left the last part trial off as she looked over at the empty swing next to her. She was surprised with herself. She was actually inviting someone to join her, and not just anyone, but a guy. She was also surprised with how much she had said. Normally she said about one or two words and waited for the other person to get bord and walk away. It was rare when she would really engage in conversation. It was so unlike her in every way. Anissa was what anti-social, depressed, and bord with life. She loved to get up and sing the songs she had written, but lately she didn't have any muse for writing a new song. Nothing had really happened to her and she hadn't seen anything new in days. But maybe Emmett could change that. She wasn’t really sure she wanted him to, but it was a nice thought, if things went nicely.
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words• 1985 of them. XD
notes• Anissa is such a mess.
outfit• outfiiiiit
credits• SERENDIPITUUUUS!

[emmett]

So think real slow

[/color][/font]
Don't forget that yes is yes and no is no [/font]
About the way you want to go[/color][/font]
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New York had a funny way of seeming extremely small, despite its size and the number of places you thought you could go without ever being recognized. Every now and then you could find yourself stuck in a situation like the one Emmett was in. With a person you both knew and didn't know at all. He hadn't made many attempts to stay in contact with even the people he'd been really close back then, let alone the people he only knew in passing. It wasn't because he was too busy to find the time to or anything, it was just that he felt like a very different person from the one he had been all those years ago. Granted it might not seem like that long ago to some people, but Emmett found that literal time wasn't always the standard you should hold yourself to when it came to changes in people. Many happened quickly, with one thing changing everything like someone had just hit a switch. Others were slow and drawn out, like you were waiting for something big to happen that would create something completely different. People got lost in the waiting and people got lost in the upheaval of things that happened too quickly. Emmett hadn't sat around for some sign on what the right thing to do was when the opportunity to get signed to came upon him. The boy saw a way out and grabbed onto it. It hadn't been a time to be afraid of what might happen, it hadn't been the time to worry that things might not work out in the end. He had a way of often thinking this, going with the flow of things that came his way. It wasn't that he was reckless or fearless, Emmett just didn't want to end up being some old man with a mountain of regret for the things he never risked. It didn't matter to him if people didn't understand, if old fans and critics started hating him for not sticking to the tried an true. What he did wouldn't be fun if he didn't try to grow with it, if he just accepted what people expected to hear from him. So there wasn't much hope of the boy listening to what people told him to do, they could start their own bands if they wanted that kind of control .There were still so many things that Emmett wanted to do or try that the odds of him repeating himself were slim to none.

Anissa had been one of the people he left behind without even thinking about it. After all, he had barely known her to begin with. It wasn''t hard to forget about what few things he had ever been told about the girl in front of him. There had never been any reason behind not knowing her beyond the few casual conversations they'd had. Emmett had never gotten the impression she was that interested in talking to him, then or now actually. The boy made plenty of friends without having to really try, most people liking him for how easy he was to be around while still doing whatever stupid things they thought of at the time. Taking the time to sit in silence with Anissa probably hadn't appealed to him as much as running off with some other group of people when they came calling. Either way, he had never found himself so alone with her. The worlds they existed in had overlapped only the slightest bit for the shortest amount of time that it was a wonder he even had her name right on the first guess. Something he was pretty sure of when she instantly looked up when he called it out. This was a relief because he probably would have looked like some sort of lunatic had it just been a complete stranger who had no idea why he was calling her by such an uncommon name. Though Emmett wasn't all that worried about looking crazy around someone who didn't know who he was, it was probably smart to not purposely go around scaring strangers if he could help it. However, he didn't instantly go running straight up to her just because he was right about knowing her, his feet not moving any further across the bright green grass that still had the finest layer of dew clinging to it. It was the confused look she was giving him that kept him in one place while he slightly hoped he wouldn't have to explain who he was any further. Saying they went to school together might not have worked any better than just his name, seeing as he hadn't been in the same grade as her and it hadn't exactly been a small school. If anything, it would only give her the specific years that she might have seen him in last.

Not that high school had been all that terrible for him that he wouldn't want to bring it up. It had mostly been the same as his entire childhood, rather uneventful. There was nothing all that special that he had done that would make him stand out from any memories she had from back then. Really he could remember talking to her but he had no idea what they had talked about or anything like that. Anything he thought he remembered about Anissa could have easily been someone else, she was that faded into the background to him. Though Emmett was pretty sure she had dated on of the guys he use to hang out with, not exactly certain because the exact details of why it ended were so unclear and vague to him that the possibility it had never happened had occurred to him. The sun had rather quickly climbed higher in the sky, and while he felt the warmth of it on his back he couldn't help but feel the urge to question why she was just staring at him like that. The girl was pretty much impossible to read, beyond the look of surprise that she'd had on her face ever since Emmett had opened his move to say absolutely anything. It didn't really unnerve him that much, he was use to being gawked at by the people he met to some degree. Reporters and fans did it, people he walked past on the street did it nearly as often as well. You got use to being treated as an oddity, over time one could grow to hardly notice it. Emmett was comfortable in his own skin, something that was terribly useful for what he did. Performing came naturally to him, since it was pretty much just his regular personality on steroids. It was perfect for being the lead singer of a band any way. Though there were many people who disagreed with him, he didn't think it was an over confidence. When you took away the pressure of being impressive, it was a lot easier to be at ease with yourself and people had the same knack for picking up on when others were so effortlessly happy as they did for noticing when someone ought to be left alone. It put him at a strong contrast to Anissa sitting on the swing. At least it didn't look like she was having the time of her life to him, maybe that was just him being unsure of what else to make of her. Standing there with her not saying a single word filled him with the desire to just turn around and leave as quickly as physically possible. To go back to not having anything to do with any part of the girl's life. This vanished quickly though when Anissa finally proved that she did in fact speak.

" Yeah, same school just a different year," he confirmed with a warm smile, showing few if any signs of hesitation to take up her offer to sit down. It would have been weird to just continue standing around like that while trying to talk to her from so far away. There was a moment of skepticism about actually sitting on the swing that was as equally old as the one Anissa was one. But he wasn't one to be that concerned with things like that. If the worst thing that could happen to him was a broken swing then him worrying really wasn't necessary. Emmett hadn't been sure if the girl beside him was actually going to ask him to stay or if she was going to continue acting as if he wasn't there. It was probably normal to be curious about why someone took so long to say anything back when someone said something to him. There were obviously people who were more apprehensive around people they weren't sure they knew, especially when the stranger had been able to greet them by name. Anissa could be like that, maybe she just didn't like talking to random people on the street and it hadn't been anything personal towards Emmett. If that was too much of an optimistic thought, he was ignoring it cause he preferred it to thinking she had really been close to telling him to go away. He had to believe in the best in people, it was just the way he'd always been. To assume bad things about them right away just wasn't in his nature. Instead he made excuses in his head for why people did the things they did. It was better than holding grudges or getting angry over the smallest things. Only big things ever got to Emmett, only the people truly looking to get some sort of reaction out of him ever did. Otherwise he didn't get too upset about the things some people said or wrote about him, didn't yell at the people who would never just look him as a regular person. There wasn't enough time in life to waste on things like that. Emmett had so many better things to do even on a lazy day like this.

" So what're you doing out here any way?," he asked, looking back up at her for a moment before staring doing at his feet while he kicked at the worn ground underneath the swing set. " I mean, its just kind of a weird time to be here isn't it," he said when he thought he might have sounded too demanding without explaining himself before hand. " Curious is all, he added with a shrug, giving himself a small kick off the ground that was just enough to get the swing to move slowly back and forth without really going up in the air at all. The idea of how funny this would look to anyone who came by popped into his head which only brightened the grin he already had. An old past its prime swing set with two people on it who were obviously much too old to be in the age group the swings were actually made for. Though he had yet to see anyone else, at least from the view he had of the path from where he was sitting. " See, I couldn't sleep myself," Emmett told her though she hadn't actually asked for any reason behind his being there. " Decided to go on a walk seeing as no one else I know is awake," he finished, with a small laugh at the fact that he honestly didn't know anyone who woke up before noon during the week let alone on weekends. Came with being their age he figured, for what they did no one really expected them to be any other way. Emmett could still get away with the same thing, he just couldn't bring himself to indulge in sleeping for twelve hours every day. He was lucky if he got the regular eight, most of the time he slept for short stints that always ended abruptly either because of needing to get up for sound-checks or because his body still thought it had to. " It's nice out here though, almost too quiet," he pointed out once his gaze moved from the scene around them back to her," don't really miss the sound of traffic though," he said more to himself than to her, thinking out loud instead of filtering himself like he usually tried to do. She could tell him to shut up whenever she wanted to, it happened to him often enough that he was over being offended by it. Emmett had a bad habit of speaking when he didn't really have to, not always grasping when a silence might have been desired or preferred. You couldn't say he wasn't at least trying to make some sort of conversation with Anissa. Not the world's easiest thing considering he hadn't thought to ask even so much as what she did for a living these days.

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[/b][/color] done
TEMPLATE CREDIT TO:[/color] sydknee says!
BANNER CREDIT TO:[/color] moi
ROLEPLAYING WITH: [/color]alice//anissa
WORD COUNT WITHOUT CODES:[/color] 2161
OUTFIT:[/color] clicks
OTHER:[/color] so that took me a while, probably a bit rambly too supa distracted
[/font][/ul]

[ALICE]

THE WARMTH OF YOUR EMBRACE
melts my frostbitten spirit
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Anissa nodded as Emmett talked. She didn't really care much with what he had to say, but it was nice to not be alone for once. She was still uneasy about talking to someone, especially guys. She had this thing about talking to them. She only did it when it was absolutely necessary. She hardly ever even talked to her producer. The rest of the band did more of the talking for her. She wrote and sang the songs. That was kind of it. Diego was kind of the only other person in the band she really ever talked to. She was nice, but at first, not so great. Diego's brother was the old lead singer in the band, and Anissa kind of replaced him. So, it took a while for them to warm up to each other. Not that Anissa really tried to, to begin with. She knew that she had to be nice to the band and such and she was, but she also hardly ever even talked to them. She was just there to sing and let go of everything that was building up inside of her. That was the way she could release how she was feeling and be herself. And if she made a couple of fans along the way, well that was just the cherry on top of the cake. She still wasn't used to fans and being noticed in public. It's not that she didn't like them, she just didn't know how to act around them. After not talking to anyone about anything for so long, she wasn't sure how to act around anyone. Her people skills were, for the most part, non existent. She was just kind of there. Anissa did hope that her music helped her fans as much as it had helped her though. That was the only thing she really wanted, to help people. And because she couldn’t really talk to them, she gave them music as an escape. Or at least she hoped she had. There she went again not paying attention. Just off in her own little world thinking about things she didn't have to think about. But, she must say, it was better than thinking about the things that were really bothering her. Those were the things no one should ever think about. She hoped no one would ever feel the way she did. It was not a feeling she could ever wish upon anyone. She couldn't even think of the word, and what it meant, and how it felt. She just couldn't bring herself to do it. Before she knew it though, she realized she was spacing out again. She blinked a couple of times before really focusing on what was in front of her.

When Anissa looked back up to where Emmett was last standing, he wasn't there anymore. He had taken the swing right next to her, in fact. She hadn’t even realized that he had been walking toward her while she was so spaced out. She hoped that she wasn’t staring at him the whole time. She listened to him as he asked a question. And it was a good question. She really didn't have much of an answer for him, but she could do her best to supply one. She was about to answer, but he said something else. “I mean, its just kind of a weird time to be here isn't it” She paused for another second and began to talk again, but he beat her to it for a second time. “Curious is all” When she thought he was done talking, she finally spoke to him. "Well, I couldn't sleep, I got up around two this morning and here at some time around four, after walking around for about an hour and a half. At least I got the watch the sun rise. It was pretty." Anissa told him. She looked over for his reaction, but quickly dropped her gaze back down to the ground. She still wasn't sure why she was really talking to him. She expected to say something along the lines of Couldn't sleep, and not say anything more about it. But her mouth surprised her. She gave him a full sentence. This was a new thing for her, and to be honest, Anissa wasn't really sure if she liked it or not. This whole talking business scared her. But she didn’t want to be alone anymore either. She was just so confused. She wanted to be more opened but last time she tried that He came along and that just didn't end well, to say the least. She was still had nightmares form it. So badly that Anissa was scared to go to sleep each night. And even then they were more like power naps. Just so she wouldn't crash and burn on stage.

Anissa couldn’t control what she was thinking anymore. She was still listening to Emmett talk. And it was nice. It kept her mind away from the thoughts. But it could only last for so long before she just couldn’t do it anymore. The thoughts flooded her mind. There was His face. His body. His eyes. Anissa could still feel all the pain from that night. It broke her heart to think about it. He was her first and last boyfriend. The first and last boy she ever even though about loving. But he had to scare her away. He hit her more times than she could count. And even though he had his reasons, she left him. But he found her. Hit her when no one was looking. She had bruises for days from them. And then the last time she saw him. He did the unthinkable. She couldn’t hold it back anymore. Before she knew what she was doing, tears escaped her eyes. She wanted to be alone right now, but that wasn’t really a good idea either. She watched as her feel dug into the earth. Her vision blured and two tear drops fell on her dress. They made two small circles, darker than the rest of her gray dress. She wiped her tears away though. No way in hell was she going to be so venerable with this guy. It just wasn’t going to happen.

Anissa composed her face to make it look like she was fine. She was better at doing that than she should have been. She was still paying attention to what Emmett was saying. She thought she should say something. Just so he didn’t walk away bord or something. She also hoped he didn’t notice that she was crying. She felt really embarrassed and tried so hard to hid it. But Emmett had to have seen it. Crying was something that most people noticed. But she cleared her throat and began to talk. “Yeah I always hated the traffic. Anissa head her voice crack on the last word, but she hoped Emmett would ignore it for the time being. “so how has life been treating you? Anissa hated small talk. It was so pointless. She was probable never going to see Emmett again. But she didn’t what I’m to go just yet. She couldn’t be alone in the condition she was in. nothing good could come of it. She already though about suicide daily, so being alone wasn’t going to help. That was the confusing thing about her though. She hated being with people. She would much rather be alone than with a living human. She was just so confused. She really didn’t want to be alone deep down. But for the most part she didn’t want to get hurt either. And when you didn’t open up and let people in, well then you just couldn’t get hurt. She wouldn’t let anyone in. wouldn’t let anyone hurt her. She had more hurt in her teenage years alone, than most people got in their live time. It just wasn’t fair. But life wasn’t fair. She knew that fact all to well. But maybe this guy could be different? She stopped that thought though. She wasn’t going to be thinking like that again. Thoughts just were not a good idea for the twenty-four year old. Not a good idea at all. But it was like they had a mind of their own. She had no control over them anymore. And she hated how small that made her feel.

Pity. That was another thing the girl couldn’t stand. that’s why she never told anyone anything. She didn’t want pity and she didn’t want people to worry about her. She just wanted someone to listen so she didn’t have to carry this burden all on her own. That was a neither reason she wanted a cat. She could tell all of her problems to the small creature and not worry about having it pity her. A cat would be nice. She let that thought spin in her head. It was nice. Anissa almost forgot that Emmett was still sitting on the swing next to her. She turned her attention back to him. She could be such a space case. She hoped that she didn’t miss anything he had said, or for that matter, didn’t say. Anissa looked down at her combat boots making deeper holes in the ground than the ones that were already there. She watched as some of the dew form last night melted away and the grass turned wet. She rapped her arms around the swing and placed her hands in her lap. She picked at her finger nails. She did that when she got nervous. It was a habit that she was trying to break, but today was not a day she was going to try. Talking to people made her nervous. Singing though, well she could sing her lungs out and never have a fear. That was her escape. The music and her singing. It made her feel better, even when she was in her darkest moods, it always made her feel so much better. The only thing she ever worried about was the rest of the world crashing down on her. And she wasn’t going to be able to hold it up. She could barely hold herself up. At this point not even duct tape could hold and keep her together. And duct tape could fix anything.
••••••••••••••••••••••••

words• 1802 of them. XD
notes• Anissa is such a mess.
outfit• outfiiiiit
credits• SERENDIPITUUUUS!

[emmett]

So think real slow

[/color][/font]
Don't forget that yes is yes and no is no [/font]
About the way you want to go[/color][/font]
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Emmett was very aware that Anissa was only half listening to what he was saying. It was kind of obviously actually, you would have had to be really stupid to not notice it. He could just look over at her and see that she was either staring blankly at him again or just not looking at him at all. It didn't bother the boy that much. For the most part he was just talking for the sake of talking, unsure of whether sitting in silence with someone you barely knew was something people did. In the grand scheme of things, nothing he said would make such an impact that he could feel it necessary to demand for her to listen closely. Emmett couldn't force her to, frankly he wouldn't. It wasn't in him to insist people talk to him, it wasn't something he depended on just to get through the day. He didn't life for the constant attention of fans or middle aged record executives, his ego hadn't gotten quite that large just yet. The boy was eternally grateful that there were people out there who liked the music enough to bother listening to him, glad to have people around to talk to when he felt like it. But it had never been about being famous, not for him any way. Emmett had just been lucky enough to find a way to turn the thing he loved doing into a job someone would pay him for. If he hadn't got signed he wouldn't be working in one of the many buildings he walked past that morning. He would be doing the exact same thing he was now, just on a much tighter budget and most likely to much smaller crowds. You could be, and ought to be, thankful for being given the chance to be heard. It wasn't something to be taken for granted, because it could change in a heart beat. Emmett could say the wrong thing, do the wrong thing, be wrong in general. And his time would be over, at least celebrity wise. Everyone was going to become irrelevant eventually, change was constant after all. He had no intentions of dragging it out, of making thousands of attempts at a comeback. Many people would call him crazy for that. There was such a huge part of the world's population that wanted what he had that it seemed ludicrous to not fight fiercely to hold on to it. What they didn't know was that being famous essentially changed nothing. You were the same person deep down, no matter how much you got swept up in the glamor of it. If he was to lose everything tomorrow, he might have to forgo the large number of coffee's he got in a day but other than that his life wouldn't be that different. He wasn't spending money left and right, hadn't moved into the penthouse of any building. Emmett hadn't forgotten who he was just yet.

And one girl from years ago with a poor attention span wasn't going to anger him enough to just get up and leave. He was talking too much for everything he said to be interesting no matter how hard he tried. Though he found that whenever the girl did speak, it was all at once and a bit rushed like the long silences that came after were pressing in so much that the few short sentences had to get out while they could. Not that he could really complain, the few words she gave him was better than just sitting there talking to himself. Though admittedly there wasn't much difference when she ignored the things he said while he continued to let her do so. " You beat me then, I try to get up after the sun if I can help it," he told her in the same friendly tone, though looking back over at her he found she was already back to staring off into space. Part of him wanted to ask what she was thinking about, find out what was on her mind so much that she couldn't possibly focus on anything else for more than thirty seconds. But it was really none of his business, there was nothing that gave him the right to know anything about her if she didn't want him to. He found that most people didn't like it when you went prying into their lives without an invitation. Everyone had their reasons for being who they were. Everyone had reasons to either keep to themselves or be the center of attention. There was always going to be those opposites that didn't make sense to one another. All those things that made Emmett feel like he was on a completely different planet than the girl beside him. As much as he might want to know, even with the best intentions, it didn't mean he would be able to wrap his head around what she told him. It didn't mean he would understand. Knowing something and being able to relate to it were two very different things. You'd be foolish to think otherwise. People could surprise you, you could surprise yourself. There was always the risk when learning something new that you might not like what you hear.

Besides, Emmett already felt like he was intruding on time Anissa had wanted to be alone for. It had been her who asked if he wanted to stay though, he hadn't just decided to do so all on his own. Which kept him sitting there, holding his new found silence while watching her a little more closely for some sort of hint as to what she expected him to say or do next. A small part of him hoped to be able to say nothing else, as if she might appreciate his silence more than his words. There could be more in just being there than in forcing her to keep up a conversation she wasn't interested in having. What he hadn't been expecting was for her to start crying. Well, not sobbing or completely losing control of herself or anything, but any tears were still tears that startled him. For a moment he wished for it to just be that he had over stayed his welcome, that his leaving would comfort the both of them. But he knew most people didn't start crying because they were around someone they didn't like. They might yell or something but no one cried over that. Unfortunately that was really the extent of what he could say he was certain of in the situation. Emmett was fantastic when it came to parties, hanging out with friends or anything light and happy like that. The darker and heavier feelings escaped him. Most of his life had been fairly sheltered, nothing much sadder than the family dog dying. It seemed weird now that what had made him want to leave so badly was the fact that he found his parents sleepy lives too boring to ever enjoy. There were obviously much worse things than doing the same errands and talking to the same people every day.

Emmett was therefore terribly unprepared on how to react, with a serious lack of experience and an even bigger lack of warning for when he was going to find himself in this predicament. He didn't immediately jump from the swing he was on to try and console her, worried that doing so might freak her out seeing as it had been a struggle for her to so much as remember who he was. That might have been a bit much to just latch onto her like that, but he felt rather pathetic when no suitable solution came to his mind. It was hard to be helpful when you weren't sure what you were trying to help with. Nodding in weak agreement with her feelings about the traffic, his attention focusing even more on her with the crack in her voice that hit him with another shot of guilt for not being of more use. " Uh, I'm in a band same as everyone else here seems to be I guess. Typical New York," he told her with a shrug, deciding to just answer the question since it felt like she was looking for something else to talk about besides the obvious. The boy didn't elaborate though, never feeling the need to brag about the fact that while there were so many people in the city trying to get a big break he was not one of them. It always felt like he was showing off when he brought that up, like he was trying to rub it into the faces of the people who spoke to him. He knew that he had every right to be proud of what he did, but there were some feelings that you couldn't get rid of just because you knew it was insane to hold onto them. Emmett only had a few of them, carried in him because of the way his parents had raised him. They hadn't let him gain a huge ego, and their continued involvement in his life made sure that this didn't end just because he had moved away from them. Maybe it had been a good thing, there were certainly less people who resented him any way. You had to be thankful whenever even the smallest amount of people like you a little more for not acting like you were above them. It was better than being on such a high pedestal that you were suddenly much too alone.

"Look are you okay?, he asked rather hesitantly once he was no longer able to ignore the urge to say something, surprising himself with the amount of concern in his voice that he hadn't been trying to muster up, almost instantly regretting his choice of words after saying them. " That was stupid, obviously you aren't but um.. did you need anything?," he said, kicking himself inside for saying things that were probably just going to make her feel worse. " You could talk about it, if you wanted, I'm pretty good at listening not spacey at all," he said with a small grin, not really having that much frustration built up in him over her attention problems, the boy just didn't want to press her to the point of having the crying start again especially if it came back at full force this time. Though he knew she was probably just going to brush him off, considering the odds of them ever talking again were as poor as finding her there today had been. Still, he figured he might as well offer. Emmett always found that once he just said things, sang them or whatever to just let them out then he found them a lot less daunting. The world could make you feel isolated enough without any help. Building things up inside him always put him on edge, made him want everyone to go away so he could be left to deal with himself. But it never worked out that way, you never felt better by just pushing your problems under the rug. Even if you thought you were handling it well, these things had a way of coming back again when you least expect it. Emmett could keep people out, but he was just as good at hurting himself as anyone else was. Maybe even better. Other people could be the voice of reason you hadn't heard before. " You don't have to, you know if you don't want to," he added, just in case what he said before made her terribly angry at him for some reason. " You could just tell me what you're up to, in general or something," he suggested, never losing the calm good natured tone his voice had, looking away from her to the rest of the park as he pushed the swing a little bit higher. He knew it wasn't a good idea to be too rough with such an old piece of playground equipment. But sometime you had to risk breaking something if you ever wanted to enjoy it. Life wasn't made for playing it safe all the time.

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[/b][/color] done
TEMPLATE CREDIT TO:[/color] sydknee says!
BANNER CREDIT TO:[/color] moi
ROLEPLAYING WITH: [/color]alice//anissa
WORD COUNT WITHOUT CODES:[/color] 2049
OUTFIT:[/color] clicks
OTHER:[/color] im reeeeally tired so this isnt the greatest thing ever but meh
[/font][/ul]

[ALICE]

THE WARMTH OF YOUR EMBRACE
melts my frostbitten spirit
••••••••••••••••••••••••

Anissa listened to Emmett as she spoke about how his life was. She was happy that he didn’t have anything tragic to talk about, as far as she could tell. It sounded like he was happy. And he was in a band. So she wasn’t the only one from her high school to go toe New York, find a band, and she signed. She smiled at him a little. He was a good distraction from what was going on in her head. Even if she was only half listening to him. She didn’t mean to be rude, but anyone could tell that she didn’t really care about what he had to say. And she didn’t mean to be rude about it, she tried really hard to pay attention and interact with him. But Anissa just couldn’t really do that. She wasn’t even sure how. wasn’t it enough that she was talking at all. Even if it sounded rushed and came out in short little blurps. It was better than not talking at all like she normally did. So, she should have gotten some credit for that. But Emmett really didn’t know anything about her, so he could really give her credit for anything. But then again, no one really knew her. She didn’t let people know her. She closed herself off so she didn’t have to get hurt. She thought it would make her stronger. But she knew deep down, if she didn’t feel hurt, or anything for that matter, than how could she be strong. She was weak, and she knew it. All to well actually. She thought about going to sleep and not waking up again. That was as close as she got to thoughts or suicide. She couldn’t pull the trigger, she had a fear of pain, and to be even more honest, Anissa really just didn’t have the balls to. And as far as pills and drugs went, they scared her more. She knew that when people died of an overdoes, it was not as great as everyone thought it was. Anissa knew that when you overdoes it wasn’t really from the drugs, but from not really being completely awake and choking on your own vomit. Yeah not so great. And Anissa had a fear about dugs to. So suicide was not really something she wanted to do, or really put much thought in. just a small thought about going to sleep and not waking up. No drugs or guns needed.

Anissa was pulled back out of her thoughts again, and back to the real world when Emmett started talking to her again. “Look are you okay? That was stupid, obviously you aren't but um… did you need anything? You could talk about it, if you wanted, I'm pretty good at listening not spacey at all," Anissa turned to look at him. She didn't know what came over her but she smiled at him. She loved the comment about not being spacey. He was obviously referring to her not really being there. She had to smile at that. But she didn’t really know what to tell him. He spoke again though, before she had to much time to think. You don't have to, you know if you don't want to. You could just tell me what you're up to, in general or something," Anissa couldn't even understand what came over her but she started to laugh. And not just a little giggle either, but a real laugh. She was hysterical. She laughed until her stomach muscles hurt. She was rolled over in the swing laughing, clutching her abs. She knew that Emmett probably thought she was out of her mind (even though she was), and she was kind of expecting him to get up and leave her there to laugh by herself. "Nope I'm not okay. You’re right. I am so out of my fucking mind. Thank you for asking." Anissa smiled at him she couldn't even help herself. She was having a breakdown and it felt great. The best part was, she was probably never going to see him ever again. "You can’t tell anyone this. Not a single soul. Not even a pet if you have one. No one. Promise?" Anissa sounded slightly high, but she really didn't care at this point. She didn't wait for Emmett to respond to her question either. "There was this guy. In high school. You knew him as Noah. Cool guy right? Well, we were dating for a while. He decided to hit me one time when I was in a pissy mood. It didn't bother me the first time. I ignored it. But the second time, well I didn't deserve it that time. So, I dumped him, I don’t put up with that kind of shit after my dad walks out on me and my mom, anyway. He made up rumors and told all of his friends what a bad fuck I was. Made high school hell for me right? Well about a week after I dumped his sorry ass, I was walking home from work. He was driving up next to me and and yelling at me. Calling me these awful names. But don't worry, I wont repeat them for you." Anissa said all of this and didn't ever really stop smiling. She was definitely sounding high right about now. But she wasn't. She never touched such a thing in her life. Even when she really just wanted to forget. "Well he pulled the car up in front of me. And here's the kicker. He pulled me into the back seat of his car and just did away with me. If you catch my drift? I'll save you the gory details though." Anissa said. Not a single tear though. This surprised her the most. Not even the fact that she told someone. She hadn't even told her mom about this. No one. Never pressed charges. Just went back into her room and for the most part never came back out. “Uhh, that’s weird, no tears” Anissa shrugged her shoulders and went back to looking at her dress.

Anissa knew Emmett really didn't want to hear all that. He most likely didn't really want to hear anything at all. But Anissa kept talk. "Now I'm in a band, just like you. And as far as life in general, kind of suckish, but whatever." Anissa was done talking now. She went back to looking at her feet and staring off into space. She wasn't sure what that little break down was all about, but she felt so much better now. She didn't have to carry it all by herself. But she did feel selfish for just dumping it all on Emmett like that. He didn't deserve to hear all that. She felt really bad now. The thought just came crashing down on her and she was filled with regret. "Hey, listen I'm sorry. You shouldn't have heard all that. You don't deserve that. I'm really sorry. I don't know what came over me…" Anissa was at a lost for words. She really didn't know how all of that happened. It just kind of came pouring out of her all at once. She felt really bad for blowing up at someone that she had just kind of re meet. But Anissa had never been to good with people anyway. She tended to either piss people off, or scare them away. She had obviously taken a different kind of rout with Emmett though. She went form scaring them away to chasing them away with a metal bat in one hand and a crow bar in the other with lazier eyes. Anissa went back to looking at her feet and her dress sway with the moment from rocking back and forth on the old swing.
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words• 1374 of them. they are getting shorter and shorter. makes me sad.
notes• Anissa is such a mess.
outfit• outfiiiiit
credits• SERENDIPITUUUUS!

[emmett]

So think real slow

[/color][/font]
Don't forget that yes is yes and no is no [/font]
About the way you want to go[/color][/font]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -[/center]

It was hard to say whether knowing Anissa better would have helped him at all in this. Maybe he would have been more ready for the lack of any actual conversation, prepared to be left to his own thoughts as much as he wanted. Having her there and having her gone only had the smallest of difference it seemed. Emmett might have known whether her silence was desired at all or if it was completely out of character. There were plenty of reasons for why people tried to get to know one another. The connection made you feel safe, a part of something, no longer alone. To be able to know what someone was going to say before they said it was an invaluable skill. But he couldn't look over at Anissa and know if anything was a miss. If things weren't running smoothly. Not knowing her though, that had it's advantages too. It took away the fear of saying something you'd regret later on. There weren't going to be that many opportunities in life to grab hold of a random stranger and let go of yourself as much as you wanted without seriously freaking them out. To be able to just say something and be done with it without it becoming big news was probably a nice thing to be able to do. It was kind of like the songs he would write without telling anyone exactly what they were about. The words were out there but no one could judge him based off of them. He couldn't let things build up inside, but then again he rarely had to even think about that. Everything that you could want to know about him was found on the records and the unused tracks that only the studio would ever have copies of. It was easy to forget that most people didn't have sound proof booths to say whatever they wanted in when it was one of the few ways Emmett had for getting things off his chest. The power a single confession could have, be it to someone else or just out loud to yourself, was really astounding. It could change the way you looked at someone, how you chose to act around them. That was a huge reason for why people kept secrets after all. Because everyone felt ashamed about something. And everyone had things they wanted to pretend never happened. The things you didn't know about someone were often much more important than the ones you did. People weren't an open book right off the bat. Keeping secrets was part of what kept the world going round.

It wasn't what Anissa said, not right away any way, that freaked him out. It was the hysterical laughing that did that. Mostly because he hadn't said anything nearly that funny but also because of the sound of it. There was no real cheerfulness to it, no easy going vibe to be picked up that might make you think she had just found the joke a lot more funny than he had. It just put him on edge with how out of place it was, how extreme it was for the situation. But he found himself frozen in his seat, simply staring at her in a way that might remind her of herself. It felt like he was stepping into something much bigger than he had intended, a current that could swallow you whole when you weren't paying attention. The only thing he found he could do was give her time to calm down, at least enough to try and explain what was going on that she thought was so hilarious. Though Emmett had a sinking feeling that nothing was. There wasn't much for him to say though, when any words finally came out of the girls mouth. What did you say when someone told you they were absolutely insane? That you were happy to help them confirm this? That is was no trouble at all and you were happy to do it? No there wasn't really anything to say that was worth saying, nothing that could convince her that she was just as sane as he was. " Yeah, sure, not a soul promise," he said without really thinking that it was much more than empty words not worth a second thought, something she seemed to encourage since she hadn't seemed interested in his answer from the moment she told him to promise in the first place. Really, who was he going to tell about Anissa and her life? None of his friends these days knew her, none would care about a faceless girl he use to know. They weren't that concerned with Emmett's problems, let alone someone they would never meet or become friends with themselves. He didn't even have a pet to tell anything to, not that he was sure why she thought this would be a problem to look out for in the first place. Emmett didn't go around whispering secrets to dogs or cats he met on the street.

What she told him next though made him wish he took more time with his words, thought through each one before saying them. Emmett did remember Noah, someone he had spoken to more than Anissa but still wouldn't have called his best friend or anything like that. Evidently for good reason if he could go this long without ever knowing that something like that had been going on. To his memory the other guy had never seemed that bad, a bit of a show off but never anything more than an annoyance. Any rumors that had been made up about her had never reached him, he was sure because he felt certain he would have questioned what he was being told if he had. It wasn't hard to pick between Noah and Anissa who he thought was more trustworthy even back then. He felt something close to embarrassed where he was sitting. Like he had just overheard something he wasn't meant to. Like Anissa had done exactly what he suggested she do. But Emmett hadn't been expecting that, had only been planning on a bad day or something along those lines. Maybe not expecting but hoping might be a better word. But she made the empty words he said feel a lot heavier than anything else he had mentioned before to just make conversation. He felt himself nod when see asked whether he understood what she meant without details, though he couldn't remember ever deciding to do so before hand. There wasn't as much concern now when he reached over to gingerly put an arm over her shoulder ignoring that it meant staying still in the swing. There was also a reason behind him not making too many sudden movements, realizing then that he'd been afraid he would scare her some how because of who he was which was a not only another boy but one who'd known Noah as well. " Have you, um.. have you told anyone else?," he asked in a quiet voice that seemed horribly mismatched to the one she had used when telling him as he bit back the urge to tell her that she absolutely had to. Emmett didn't instantly tell her how sorry he was, how much he wished it hadn't happened to her or how angry he was at someone he hadn't spoken to in years. These were all things he thought she was waiting to hear, that she expected from him. He figured she'd pick up on how he was feeling, that there wasn't any need to say the things she already knew he meant.

Emmett didn't know if how concerned he felt was just because of the kind of news she'd told him or if it was a disproportionate amount. He couldn't really stop himself from feeling like he was more a part of this than he had meant to be. That was just what had happened, and as in over his head as he felt the boy tried not to get too worked up over it. Feeling horrible for her was only possibly beaten by the anger he felt growing even more when she went on about her life sucking since then. The unreasonable guilt that he hadn't figured it out before despite not being around her enough to know even everyday things about her. Most people probably felt like that, when hopelessness turned into desperation for some feeling that made more sense than the turmoil he'd been thrown into. " No it's fine, really I asked didn't I," he pointed out more to himself than to her though he didn't look away from her for more than a second. " Glad I was here for you to tell, better to get it out isn't it. I am sorry though, about that sucking in general thing," he added with a little less hesitation in his voice that time, being sorry for more than just her life recently but refraining from saying any more than that. The idea of making just telling someone else, to take some of the pressure off of himself by ignoring the promise he hadn't meant occurred to him for a second time. It was a selfish idea, one that he mentally scolded himself for even thinking about for more than five seconds. If she needed someone to tell just for the sake of telling then Emmett could handle that much on his own.

It probably seemed crazy to decide to take on any more responsibility with her than he needed to. Not something he ever promised to do beforehand. " You didn't do anything about it when it happened did you," he said after realizing that if there had ever been police or anything involved he definitely would have heard about it a long time ago. There wasn't really anything judgmental in the way he said it, because just as quickly as he had realized the first thing it only made sense that she hadn't, seeing as she made him promise to say nothing even if she'd been laughing about it. Almost like you'd known all along but still felt the need to ask in hopes that you were some how wrong. But if there was still a need for secrets, then there were still people who didn't know. " Anissa you've got to tell someone," he told her though his words lacked the authority to actually sound like an order. " The police, something, he added when it dawned on him that she'd already told someone though he wouldn't be nearly as helpful as the cops. The boy decided to not instantly demanding every single bit of information from her about what had happened if she was already worked up about it enough to just tell him. He could be patient and wait till she gave him the chance to ask. Though he wasn't sure if he was ever going to get another to ask the questions that were flying through his heaad, he wasn't the one who got to decide when she was ready to answer.

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[/b][/color] done
TEMPLATE CREDIT TO:[/color] sydknee says!
BANNER CREDIT TO:[/color] moi
ROLEPLAYING WITH: [/color]alice//anissa
WORD COUNT WITHOUT CODES:[/color] 1863
OUTFIT:[/color] clicks
OTHER:[/color] so i did like nothing all day yesterday sooo sorry for not getting this done sooner
[/font][/ul]

[ALICE]

THE WARMTH OF YOUR EMBRACE
melts my frostbitten spirit
••••••••••••••••••••••••

Anissa couldn't believe that she told Emmett all that. She had never intended to when she started talking. She didn’t wake up this morning and plan to tell someone she hardly knew about her awful past. She had never trusted anyone her whole life, not even her best friend or mother, but yet she told this almost perfect stranger. She couldn't understand why she did that. She had been pretty happy keeping to herself (Okay so that was a lie, but she lied to herself all the time, so this time was no different than the rest of them). She new she couldn't trust anyone. She knew that the day her dad walked out and never looked back, and it was confirmed the day Noah walked into her life. She was surprised that she could think his name, and even more surprised that she actually said his name earlier. Her mind was going a million miles a second and she couldn’t control it. Couldn’t even comprehend that he spoke to her. But she answered anyway. It took her a second to realize what he said though. “No I never told anyone. Not even my mom.” Anissa whispered to her shoes. She wasn’t quite sure if Emmett heard her or not. She said it so quietly, but she was sure that he had. She just sat there and looked at her shoes. Her dress looked so pretty swaying in the movement. She could see the ends of her black hair reaching just past her shoulders. She had a couple of dead ends that she could see and knew that she was going to cut them when she got home (Yes she cut her own hair, and yes that was why it looked so bad). If she could really call the studio apartment that she lived in and occupied, her home. She didn’t really think she had a home to go to anymore. Just a place to live. She went back to looking and inspecting her hair again. She picked at the split ends and pulled at them. She was making her hair worst, but she couldn’t care less at this point, it already looked like shit. Anissa listened intensively, even if it didn’t look like it, with the picking at her hair and all. She had to know what he was going to say about all of this. Her life was such a mess and she couldn’t even find the pieces to put it back together. “No it's fine, really I asked didn't I? Glad I was here for you to tell, better to get it out isn't it. I am sorry though, about that sucking in general thing.” To Anissa, it was all just chatter though. She was happy that he wasn’t going off and screaming in the other direction, like she expected him to. She wanted to know what he had to say. But at the same time she just wanted to go and hide under a rock, and never see anyone ever again. She didn’t have anything left to say to him as of right now. There was nothing left to talk about for her. She didn’t mind the silence. It was nice. And being next to someone that knew everything like that, well she couldn’t understand how she felt. Relieved? Scared? Happy? Worst? Maybe it was all of them. She just sat there in the swing and rocked back and forth. Anissa wanted to push off the ground and fly into the air like she was a little kind again. But she had keeping her feet on the ground. It was her last connection to the real world. And she felt like if she let go, she would never come back down. Not that she was really all there to begin with.

The thing that Emmett said next was the thing that worried her the most. “You didn't do anything about it when it happened did you? Anissa you've got to tell someone. The police, something.” The words rang back and forth in her head. Was he kidding? She couldn’t hold it back. She could feel a screaming coming from the back of her throat. “ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?! No one is going to believe me. It has been nine fucking years. There’s no proof. Just my word against his. My mom would be pissed I never told her and I would be a joke to the rest of my band. Thanks, but no thanks?” Anissa yelled at first, but her voice was slowing dying, it grew more and more quite as she went. By the last sentence she was whispering at her shoes again. She was looking at him the whole time she was talking, and once she was done, she looked back at the ground. She couldn’t look at Emmett for to long. It gave her an uneasy feeling in her stomach. Not like Anissa couldn’t trust him, it was something different. She had never felt this feeling before. It was kind of like the seconds before she went onstage, that kind of rush feeling, but this felt slightly different. She couldn’t really tell what it was though. Couldn’t tell if it was a good or bad feeling. It was very different though. She ignored it though, like she did with most things. It dawned on her again that she wasn’t being very fair to the older boy. She new that she should say something. Let him know that she was sorry for reacting the way she had. “Okay, sorry I’m being such a bitch. I really am sorry. I just have a lot on my mind. And I never told anyone. And I really wasn’t even going to tell you. No offence, but it all just kind of came out. Sorry to burden you with all of this. I don’t even know you really.” Anissa said to the ground. She wanted to look up and see what Emmett looked like, but she couldn’t bring herself to do it.

Anissa was losing every little bit of what ever mind she had left. She could feel herself slipping. But she didn’t want to lose it in front of Emmett, as if she hadn’t already. She had these weird emotions changes. She felt like she was on a roller coaster. This was most likely the reason she had never told anyone about this before. Because she knew that she would lose it. She would have a freak attack and shut down. But the shutting down part was not coming as quickly as she thought it would have. She felt really nervous around Emmett. She would kill him if he ever told anyone though. She couldn’t stand having other people know. There was a reason she had never told anyone. She didn’t think anything could have been done. There was no witness, and how much physical evidence could there have been? Her mom, for sure, would die instantaneously. Anissa’s mother was still not in the right state of mind. She lost it after her dad walked out, and she was even the one to insist that he move out. Anissa’s mom was the one who pushed this divorce thing the whole time. And the second she realized that it really wasn’t what she wanted, well it was to late. They both lost a dad and a husband. Her dad never came back to see if she was doing okay, never called, just to check in to see how everything was. He just sent a child support check. Anissa’s mom had a fit about it though. Saying how if he wasn’t going to a part of her life then nether did his money. So, even those stopped coming as well. Hr mother had no real source of income. It all just sucked. She hated everything about the whole situation. So Anissa had no connection to her dad. Didn’t even have a return address to see where he was living now. She knew he had a baby girl though. He got his new wife pregnant, and made a new life. Anissa was nothing but an after thought for him. She hated the thought of her dad. He just brought back so much pain for her. Why didn’t he fight for her? Fight with her mom to stay? Anissa had never really been “daddy’s little girl”, but she never hated him. She was closer with her mom, but that didn’t mean she didn’t love her dad. She was pissed he never made any effort to come and see her, or fix things. She new her parents just kind of fell out of love, and she understood that. But that didn’t mean her dad had to just leave her like he did. He could have fought for her, have split custody, anything. Instead, she got nothing but a lonely mom and a lonely house.

Anissa looked back over at Emmett, she almost forgot he was there. She seemed to be doing that a lot. She guessed she just wasn’t used to being around another living and breathing thing. And a living and breathing thing that could talk, well that was just unheard of. Before she knew it, Anissa found herself talking again. “So do your tattoos mean anything?” Anissa didn’t know where that came from, but she needed a subject change. And she was really interested to see what his tattoos meant, if anything. She could tell from what Emmett was wearing that he was coved in them. They were mostly colored, but very pretty. She had one in the inside of her arm and one on her leg, and they were both very special to her. They were worth the pain to get them. So she loved tattoos, they were supposed to tell a story, right? She needed to distract herself from the rest of the world, and a nice story about all of the tattoos would be nice. She hoped that Emmett could do that for her. It was a small request, and even though she didn’t really deserve it after the way she treated him, she hoped he could do this for her. She couldn’t think about and of this anymore. Couldn’t come to terms with what had really happened. She also realized that she didn’t want Emmett to go anywhere. He was a lot better than any other guy that could have walked by. He could have been a homeless guy looking for money, or a business guy wearing a fancy suit talking on the phone to loudly. But it was nether of those choices. Luckily it was Emmett, and he didn’t seem to really mind being screamed at by the strange younger girl sitting beside him. Anissa was not ready to be alone again. She had just blown up at someone and was going out of her mind a little bit (or what was left of it). So, being alone would not be a good idea for anyone. Anissa just really hoped that Emmett wouldn’t be like any other guy she had met before. But that was because she only meet jack asses. She was just bad luck though.
••••••••••••••••••••••••

words• 1933 of them.
notes• Anissa is such a mess.
outfit• outfiiiiit
credits• SERENDIPITUUUUS!

[emmett]

So think real slow

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The beginning of the day, that first bit of morning when Emmett had no plans but to enjoy his own company, seemed far too long ago to have been in the same day that this was happening. The distance wasn't because of time but from the information Anissa had told him that knocked him clean off his feet. It really shouldn't change his life though, should it. As ill prepared as he felt, it wasn't like he was officially bound to see her again. Nothing could force him to do that, and if it became more than he wanted to deal with or could handle then he could walk away at the end of the day. Emmett knew this. It was one of the clear thoughts in his head that kept screaming at him to act on it. And it was tempting to do so. The easy way out always was after all. But when he looked over at her, when he watched the girl who sat on the swing looking like she was made of glass, the understanding that the easy road had never been the one he went down before and wouldn't be now. There was a lot racing through him, the need for the calm to return finally answered a bit when this thought occurred to him. Granted he didn't control what Anissa wanted to do, that was pretty obvious by now. Emmett figured that if she never wanted to see him again, the girl could probably manage it. But the urge to run passed, though the daze that he was in didn't lift nearly as much. The whisper didn't scare him, for once it was what he had been expecting from her. But her words terrified him. The answer was one he already had, already figured out on his own. So there was no need to be surprised, but to have her confirm it made his suspicions real. Made all other options or theories wrong. Another heavy blow for him.

He did surprise himself though, the calm quiet being the only response to what she told him. If you'd asked him yesterday morning, last night or even a few hours ago what he would do if someone told him this, his guess would have been the opposite of what he was doing now. Emmett would have thought that he'd panic then leave only to come back later to insist she tell someone else. Maybe not even come back at all, pretend it never happened. He would not still be sitting there either way, he would not be trying to understand, he would not be concerned about whether each little thing he said would offend her. Cause the answer as simple wasn't it? Just tell the police, let them handle it. Have faith in the system working, don't carry it around like an anchor around your neck. But that was easy for Emmett to say wasn't it. It had never happened to him, and it hadn't happened to anyone he knew. Just something you saw in t.v crime shows and the news. Not something that was sitting beside you, not something that could explode into your life with just a harmless question. But what he had thought before no longer applied, what he expected to say didn't form into words. The simple answers weren't there for him anymore, and pretending otherwise was probably the one thing he could do that would make him worse than worthless. What he had to accept was that there wasn't any one thing that to say that would make this all alright. Even if there was, it wasn't likely that he was going to figure it out. Emmett didn't truly know Anissa and had nothing even resembling experience with things like this. It was strange really, to be this upset and angry because of someone you hadn't spoken to in years. Granted it was strange to sit in silence in a park being virtually ignored then screamed at without anything in between or so much as a warning as to when it was going to happen. Maybe the unexpected desire to help was as close to normal as he was going to get.

Anissa did have her own way of breaking a silence though, the volume of her voice startling him enough to need to grab onto the swings chains to keep himself from falling backwards. There was an instinctive kick of anger that told him to scream right back at her for dragging him into this in the first place. However, his self control wasn't as lost as he imagined Anissa's was. The rest of what she said soothed his temper back down, until was much closer to being ridden with guilt for having felt that way at all. " Well, I believe you," he pointed out in a more firm tone than before, only noticing then that he hadn't thought for a second that she'd been lying. His mind went to straight to disbelief at what she'd told him Noah was capable of. There hadn't been a huge debate over what to believe, Emmett hadn't even asked her for any proof. It was just something he was told and instantly knew had to be true. He could see it now, looking over at her while she seemed to refuse to look up again after she fell back into her familiar quite. You didn't have to dig deep to see the brokenness to her, after all asking if anything was wrong was the reason Emmett was in this in the first place. No one was that good of an actor, he doubted anyone could do the things Anissa was doing especially without warning just for the fun of it. On a whole, there was just no reason for her to lie to him about it. It wasn't really like your age or weight, it wasn't just a tiny white lie by any means. " And you wouldn't be a joke," he added, his voice finding its more naturally kind tone again, consenting to once again find something mildly interesting to pretend to stare at instead of her. He wanted to say that it was better late than never to tell her mom, that this wasn't something that mattered less because of time. Anissa was proof that it didn't go away just because you waited for it too. Maybe it would help her mom understand the girl beside him a bit more, it certainly fit as a reason for the lack of any normal conversation patterns and her fondness for staring at her shoes. But Emmett had already learned a lesson in speaking about things he didn't know the whole story too, already knew that saying the wrong thing could hit another nerve in Anissa to make her start yelling again. And as bored as he grew with the silence, he preferred it to hearing her screech at him.

At least she was still with him enough to know most people didn't care to have someone yelling in their ear every five seconds as if him not knowing what to say was a surprise when he hadn't exactly had the time to write out a speech before arriving. " It's fine, you don't need to be sorry about it. Can't say I blame you," he said the last part more to himself than to Anissa, as if he needed reminding that that fact was true. " Don't worry about me, I mean I'd like to help, if you wanted," he told her though he wasn't sure of how he could be of much help beyond just sitting there tolerating her while she screamed or said nothing at all. All the good intentions in the world didn't change that he didn't have a starting point, wasn't sure where to go from where they were. Part of him expected Anissa to throw his words right back at him, to get mad at him for thinking that she wanted his help at all. That might have just been because any other suggestion he'd made hadn't ended well. But he didn't bother trying to correct himself, if that offended her then pretty much anything he could say would have the same affect. Might be better to take his own advice and just let her get it out of her system. Having her calm down a bit might be good, give the girl a chance to relax about the things that she hadn't meant to say. Emmett had decided for the time being that he wouldn't tell anyone if she didn't want him to, it wasn't his secret to share. It was fair to force her to deal with something if she wasn't ready just because it made him feel temporarily better. Though his opinion was still to tell some form of law enforcement, he didn't press the subject further. If it still felt like a bad idea to her, then it wasn't going to happen. He really didn't want to cause another scene like this over it. Even if there hadn't been anyone around to hear her bizarre laughing or sudden yelling, it still left him with the same uncomfortable feeling that he would have had if there was a whole stadium of people staring at them. Emmett couldn't shake the thought that he was intruding on something too private to listen in on. But he couldn't erase what he already knew. So he wanted to prevent the same thing from happening all over again, to keep her from freaking out all over again if she managed to gain anymore composure. Though he didn't admit it right then and there, the desire to find a way to protect her from this thing inside herself flooded through him. He would gladly take any amount of the weight she wanted to rid herself of, whatever made her feel more sane. Cause the most stable thing around him was the swing set they were on, which really wasn't saying much.

Thinking that way almost made him question whether he was any more all together than she was, that he had to be insane if he had even the smallest idea in his head about getting anymore involved. He never got the chance to reason himself out of it though, cut off when she finally looked back at him as if permitting him to exist again. Emmett himself was almost surprised to find he couldn't stop the small smile from forming on his face at her question, though it was an obvious subject change they had taken a step towards a regular question for him. Most people weren't able to stop themselves from asking, it wasn't like he'd tried to make them less noticeable by covering up with a sweater or something. " Yeah most of em do some what," he muttered without really thinking about making sure she could hear him. The boy was more interested in deciding which ones to tell her about. He briefly did that think people did when you pointed out something that they knew they had but needed to do the quick check to confirm that nothing had vanished since they last looked. " Here, lock and key with the heart on you sleeve," he explained slowly while he pulled his t-shirt sleeve up to show her the bright red heart with the locks and keys around it. " And there on this side, life. Then on this side, death. Just kind of liked the idea of that one," Emmett said while brushing back the ends of his hair to show her either side of his neck, not verbally noting the light and dark difference between the two. A lot of his tattoos were about the struggle between those two things, often depicting one or the other. It was an obsession of his in a way, one that he balanced out with ones that meant little and he just thought looked nice. " Self made here, different arms," he said turning both his wrists over to show her more clearly, " with the band and all. Got mom and dad on the hands too. Not that they were that thrilled when I started getting these," he added rambling a bit while examining them himself for a moment. " And some wishbones," he said after being sure he wasn't going through them too quickly. " Suppose to be for luck," he told her after a pause when he remembered his reason for getting those, adding what was a noticeable finish to his sharing as he thought it might be good to save a few for when she was at a loss of words again any time in the near future. " Probably just going to keep going till I run out of room," the boy said while pulling his sleeve back down. There were plenty of longer stories behind what made him make a final decision on a tattoo, or even how he got into it in the first place. But, much like Anissa, Emmett didn't want to tell his life story in one sitting.

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[/b][/color] done
TEMPLATE CREDIT TO:[/color] sydknee says!
BANNER CREDIT TO:[/color] moi
ROLEPLAYING WITH: [/color]alice//anissa
WORD COUNT WITHOUT CODES:[/color] 2203
OUTFIT:[/color] clicks
OTHER:[/color] so much tattoo referencing needed for this blah
[/font][/ul]

[ALICE]

THE WARMTH OF YOUR EMBRACE
melts my frostbitten spirit
••••••••••••••••••••••••

Anissa almost couldn't believe her ears. She looked over at Emmett the second he said that he believed her. She didn't think anyone would. Noah was always such a perfect guy and really sweet, until you stopped listening to him. She didn't think anyone who had gone to school with her would ever believe her. And as far as the police went, well they would think it was because he was really the one to break up with her and Anissa was just bitter about it. They would just think she was lying about everything. Because if she was telling the truth, then why didn’t she come in right after it happened. Anissa thought about going in and telling someone. But she wasn’t sure what to say. It wasn’t something she ever thought she would have to talk about. But Anissa would never lie about this. In fact she would never lie about anything, unless someone asked how she was. Surprisingly, that was the question that started this whole mess. But there was something about Emmett. She knew she could never trust anyone with anything, and especially not a guy, but there was something about the older boy sitting next to her. Something that said that he wouldn't be so quick to turn his back on Anissa, even if she was a hot mess. Anissa looked at Emmett while he spoke, she couldn't believe what she heard. She could feel tears in her eyes, but this was for a different reason than before. Emmett was being so sweet to her, even after she yelled and screamed at him. After she had a melt down and spilled the biggest secret that she never told anyone, until this strange boy from her past walked into her life. " And you wouldn't be a joke." Those were the words that stuck with her. Anissa wasn't really sure if she believed him, but they were nice, kind words. Words she wasn't exactly used to hearing everyday. Not that she wasn't being bitched at and hated, but she wasn't the most friendly person either. A couple people called her stuck up, but that wasn't really the case at all. She just didn't talk to many people, and didn't know how to act around them. And that much was obvious with the way that she was talking to Emmett.

Anissa didn't take her eyes off of Emmett. She knew she was staring, but she didn't really care at this point. She couldn't understand why he was being so nice to her still. Saying how she didn't have to be sorry and how he wanted to help. That was so strange to her. Anissa really didn't think that anyone would be nice to her after being yelled at. Why was he doing this? She wanted to ask why, but she didn't. Anissa didn't really want to know, deep down. She could be happy knowing that someone wanted to help and not have a reason, maybe. It was definitely something she wasn't used to. She still was trying to wrap her head around it all. It was a strange concept for her. Caring. She didn't really care about other people, but that was mainly because no one had ever cared about her. She knew her dad didn't care about her. If he did he would have come to visit her at least once. Noah clearly didn't care about what had happened to her, or he wouldn't have done what he did. Her mom was still to out of it to care to much about her. Anissa had to play mom for most of her teen years. Anissa cared about her mom, and her mom cared about her, but it was different. So, that really only left Emmett. Why did he care so much? Why did he want to help her. Why didn't he just get up and walk away. She didn't want him to, but people rarely did what she wanted them to. "Thanks for being here." Anissa said to him. She said it to quietly and quickly, so she wasn't sure if he head her. It was barley a whisper and the words hardly passed her lips, but she said them to him. She looked back at her shoes when she was done talking, but only for a couple of seconds before she was looking back at Emmett.

Anissa watched as Emmett told her about all of his tattoos. She stared at the ones he pointed at and found them interesting. More interesting than when she was first looking at them. She liked the way his voice sounded when he was talking about them. She wasn't sure why, but it sounded different than when he was walking before, soothing almost. She was happy that he could take her mind off of things. She knew that just because she wasn't thinking about the problem, didn't mean that it was just going to go away, but she needed a break from all the thinking. It still had to be pretty early, but it was unclear to her just what time it really was. Anissa watched and listened to Emmett. She loved looking at all the different designs. It had to take a lot of strength to get all of those tattoos. And Anissa knew, from experience, that it hurt like hell. She had two tattoos. One was on the inside of her arm, and the other was on her ankle. She smiled at his last comment. "Well it looks like you don't have to much room left." Anissa giggled a little (It reminded her of a little school girl without a care in the world). And this time it wasn't because she was have a break down, but just at what he said. And it felt nice. It was a easy laugh and she loved the way it felt. "Yeah I have two tattoos, but I really don't know if I'm going to get more.” Anissa said as she flashed him her right arm, but quickly withdrew it. “Maybe one having to do with my band. It is a pretty big part of my life and all, but I don't know." Anissa said to Emmett. Why was he so easy to talk to? Anissa never talked to anyone, and in one day, this guy know almost her whole, tragic, life story.

Anissa thought about getting up and going for a walk. Of course she would ask Emmett to come with her. She still wasn't really ready to be alone just yet, so she hoped that he would tag along. Just so her thoughts wouldn't get to her again. It was a dangerous place, when it was just Anissa and her thoughts. "Hey, do you want to go for a walk?" Anissa paused for a second to think about what she was going to say next. "It's fine if you don't want to, but you could always tell me more about yourself. You definitely heard more about me than anyone would have really wanted to. and thanks for that. really." Anissa said to him as she gave him a weak smile. When she said thank you, she meant it from the bottom of her heart. She could not be more grateful for this guy to tolerate her like he had. He seemed like a really sweet guy, and she hoped that she wasn't wrong. Anissa had a knack for screwing things up, and she was sure she had with Emmett. But he was still there, sitting next to her, and holding conversation better than she had. She knew it wasn't her charm that kept the boy talking to her, so it had to be him. And she was happy that he wasn't running for the hills just yet.
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words• 1363 of them.
notes• Anissa is such a mess.
outfit• outfiiiiit
credits• SERENDIPITUUUUS!